Keep Me Close- Chapter XXV
Jul. 5th, 2009 05:16 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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2minsforslashingTeam: San Jose Sharks
Pairing: Joe Thornton/Evgeni Nabokov
Rating: PG
Summary: Not all in San Jose is sunny as the path to the Stanley Cup proves to be as difficult as ever; falling in love might be the simplest task on this year’s agenda.
Editor:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sherlockelly, who pretty much wrote this chapter because ideas are failing me. Thank you for your hard work as always :)
A/N: Okay, Just to let you guys know, the last time I updated was during the middle of a gigantic updating spree, so just double check the last chapter before you read this one. Don’t want you to get confused now!
Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V | Chapter VI | Chapter VII | Chapter VIII | Chapter IX | Chapter X | Chapter XI | Chapter XII | Chapter XIII | Chapter XIV | Chapter XV | Chapter XVI Part one | Chapter XVI Part two | Chapter XVII part one | Chapter XVII part two | Chapter XVIII | Chapter XVIII | Chapter XIX | Chapter XX | Chapter XXI | Chapter XXII | Chapter XXIII | Chapter XXIV
Disclaimer: None of the San Jose Shark franchise belongs to me, each person involved in the story besides my own original characters are their own person and I am not assuming their sexual orientation or beliefs in real life, but am only twisting them for each to be beneficial to the plot.
-Chapter 25-
“Stay here t’night,” Joe blurted out, only slightly annoyed with himself this time about his inability to keep his mouth shut. He probably would have been more aggravated if he didn’t want his request to become true. He would be lying if he said he didn’t.
Flustered, Evgeni glanced around the room wildly. “What? I mean, Iya don’t know if I should…” he began rambling off, his hands unlatching themselves from his belly as he waved them around to emphasize his many points, his face growing more and more heated by the second.
Removing his head from his hand, Joe bent down and pressed his lips softly against Evgeni’s own, muffling out the rest of his ramblings quite effectively. Pulling back, he put on the most calming smile he could create and he gripped one of the other man’s now still hands as reassurance. “Trust me.”
Eyelashes flickered down as Evgeni watched Joe’s lips shape out the two short words. Who knew something so small could have such an impact. And yet, within seconds, he found himself smiling shyly. “I do.”
“Then stay.”
“All right.”
-----
After the next few minutes of shuffling, with Evgeni buttoning his shirt back up, and Joe throwing his sweater back over his head, the two found themselves huddled together on the floor, a heavy blanket thrown over their weary bodies. They faced each other with drooping eyes, but Evgeni let the tired grin that first bloomed at Joe’s request grow into a satisfied smile, his eyes fluttering closed.
He felt not merely happy, but thankful. A large arm draped over his shoulder, and he curled his hands toward his chest wordlessly, scooting in close to accept the warm embrace as the palm on his back pulled him in deeper. A sigh rumbled through Joe’s chest when Evgeni nuzzled his nose into the fleece-covered expanse of muscle, the vibration sending drowsy waves down to his toes, making him realize how utterly exhausted he truly was. One of these days, he vowed to himself, he would stay awake after one of their heated sessions.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Evgeni foggily recalled Joe saying that he expected something like this to happen again, another date. Evgeni hummed aloud sleepily in agreement, barely catching Joe’s soft laugh at the sound; he really hoped that it would happen again too.
As tired as he was, that promising thought sent thousands of new ideas popping up in his head.
How long ago was it since Dallas? He was torn between it feeling as though it occurred yesterday and yet at the same time, millions and millions of years ago. And then even before that, having to endure the summer all by himself… it haunted him, even now. He had been isolated because of his thoughts, his disgust with himself.
He was shaken from the thought by warm, even breaths ruffling the hair at the crown of his head, Joe dozing off, his body engulfing Evgeni’s -as silly and naïve as it sounded- like a welcoming shield from the world. To his back burned the fading cinders of the once proud log fire; in front of him, the man who wormed his way into Evgeni’s life first as a friend, and then something he couldn’t find words to explain.
Reminiscing came easy to him now, after all the moments of the day he would stuff it back down, mentally whacking at it until there was nothing left to think about until another time. True, it was difficult, thinking back to when he had almost given up. It was scary when he realized how close he was to losing it all, how he had been walking on the edge, just waiting for the final shove that would have changed him.
But how would he have changed?
He couldn’t answer that, not anymore. Not when he knew it wouldn’t happen.
Dwelling on such complicated outcomes stopped weighing heavily on his shoulders when Joe pulled him away from the proverbial darkness.
At times, he knew he had been a burden; a constant wreck of unreasonable emotions. He had been depressed, he had been angry, he had felt so completely alone. He had been scared of what was happening to him, because he didn’t know how to fix it.
Avery -even now the name made him flinch- had done no more than drunkenly attempted to force himself onto Evgeni, he would admit that.
As he lay there in Joe’s arms, he wondered if he wasn’t afraid of Avery, but rather what could have been. What if they hadn’t lost the game? What if he had left as the same time as the rest of the team? What if he hadn’t been so tired?
What if he hadn’t gotten away?
He knew, he knew for a fact that it was worthless to think about what didn’t happen, so why did it bother him so much? He traced the metal zipper of Joe’s sweater with his finger absentmindedly, his eyes unfocused on his gentle touches.
Joe. Evgeni balled his hands loosely into the excess fabric that pooled under Joe’s body. What Joe had done for him made Evgeni almost swoon with admiration. Almost. Another part of him was a little disappointed with himself for not being able to do anything before the other man’s timely intervention.
The fire sputtered out its dying embers, and soon Joe’s small living room was nothing but darkness. Evgeni pulled himself in even closer, the space between his chest and the other man’s shrinking until he brought them flush together. A flash of what had happened earlier that night appeared behind his tightly shut eyelids when their groins innocently bumped, Evgeni’s face flushing at how badly he had wanted it. The feeling was gone just as quick, a quiet sigh escaping from his tired body as he surrendered to the approaching slumber.
Before he nodded off, Evgeni kept his gaze locked on Joe’s face, merely inches away from his own, as his vision became sharper in the darkness. Careful as to not jostle his partner awake, he looped his arms around the thick neck, intertwining his fingers just where the auburn curls brushed playfully on his rough skin.
He hesitated, his eyes darting about the unaware face, mapping out each nuance until the image was ingrained into his quickly fading mind. The light freckles that dusted over Joe’s nose and cheeks could be seen now, even in the sparse lighting from outside, and Evgeni couldn’t stop the small smile from spreading over his face. Keeping his eyes open, despite the ever tempting promise of sleep, Evgeni cupped the head in his two hands and closed the nearly nonexistent space between them. Joe’s parted lips were still under Evgeni’s shivering kiss; they were chapped and tasted faintly of candy canes. His eyes fluttered shut when he pulled back just enough to whisper goodnight, his warm breath dancing over Joe’s skin and heating up his own blushing face.
He fell asleep soon after, his fingers drawing lazy patterns at the base of Joe scalp. When the digits finally stilled, Joe chanced cracking open an eye, his face crinkling with a beaming smile when he knew that the man in his arms was indeed asleep. He returned the kiss to the smooth brow and whispered a goodnight in return before dozing off as well.
-----
It seems as though only seconds have passed when Evgeni cracks his eyes open a sliver; soft, hazy light seeping through the thin lids. He turns on his side, his head sliding perfectly up to his ear so that it can cradle his weight, a smile on his lips when the gesture is returned.
He smiles brighter when Joe leans in and pecks him sweetly on the lips.
The white light filters through the room as though the sun is right outside the window, almost painful with its luminosity. Evgeni has to squint to see Joe clearly. A halo surrounds the man’s body, outlining the beaming face like a gentle touch, the sharp jaw blurring with the air around it, washed out colors bleeding into each other in the harsh shining.
Something behind Evgeni stirs. A cold creeps up his spine, claws sinking into his back and spreading like ice throughout his body. Limbs heavy, and chest so cold it is burning, even his breath escapes him as forced pants, crackling and popping to nothingness in the warm air.
He doesn’t turn around; he likes what he sees in front of him. His eyes close as the dead weight finally overpowers them, lips brushing against his as he lays still. They are so warm against his own; the light is so bright that he cannot bring himself back to sleep.
He holds back a wince. He can feel the warmth settle on his cheeks as light as feathers, brushing at his skin playfully, but behind his twitching eyelids all he can feel is the frost.
“It’s cold,” he croaks his thoughts, a slight crease in his brow to covey his discomfort.
“Of course it’s cold! We’re on the ice, aren’t we?”
Confusion - it washes over his aching body, chilling him even more. He pries his eyes open and takes a sweeping glance of his surroundings. Everything is white. A gentle nudge at his hand and Evgeni pauses to turn his gaze down. Fingers tangle with his, strong and confident. He holds on tightly to the grasp, for it seems to be the only anchor he has from sinking into the blinding white.
“Bhut it’s cold,” he argues pitifully, unsure if he stamps his foot despite the childish motion, for there is nothing there for his foot to stamp on to. “Nhot like the ice.”
How can Joe not feel it? It is wrapping so tightly around Evgeni’s chest that he gasps just to breathe, his insides slowly crystallizing in the frozen air. This is not the dry cold. This is not the cold that envelopes his body the moment he steps onto the rink, becoming every bit a part of him until he washes it away in the showers. That cold is the antidote for his burning passion, fulfilling in a win, or a promise for more in a loss. Without that cold, Evgeni doesn’t know what he would do to quench the festering need to play hockey.
This is nothing like that cold. This cold hurts.
“This is how ice always feels,” the other man responds, a light tone to his voice. Not quite condescending, but not quite humoring either. A serious look befalls his peaceful face, his happy eyes wrinkling with a concerned frown. “Is there… is there somethin’ you wanna talk about?”
The cold seems to pulse with cruel laughter at the words, spreading up his arms and down his legs. Graceful, deceiving hands skim over his body, a shiver of disgust rakes through his semi-paralyzed self, his eyes becoming heavy again from the strain of fighting against the iciness.
“Actually…” He swallows, ignoring the sharp cracking that rips through the ice that cling on his chest as his lungs expand to allow in the intake of air.
How can he admit fighting an enemy who wasn’t even there?
“N-no. Everything’s fine,” he finally, reluctantly offers.
“Oh… okay.”
Joe sounds a little disappointed, but Evgeni doesn’t have to see the hurt expression on the other’s face as his eyes finally froze shut. Pinprick-like goosebumps cover his skin when the hands encircle his neck, tightening just enough to make Evgeni aware of their presence.
“If ya say so.”
Evgeni tries to nod, but the fingers that are wrapped around his throat suddenly squeeze the fragile column, air caught in his lungs and just out of his open mouth. The cold creeps up from the grip; he can’t see, he can’t move, he can’t breathe. Panic joins the freeze, and darkness bubbles over the white light that seeps through his welded shut eyelids.
When his vision becomes a suffocating veil of black, the fingers release his throat at last, Evgeni swallowing hungrily for oxygen.
After the rush of air back into his systems, Evgeni is vaguely aware of hands roaming about his body and lips sucking on the flesh of his left earlobe. He becomes aroused instantly.
He cannot recall starting this endeavor with Joe, but it feels nice all the same. He is on his back, the larger body draped over his, each motion rubbing sensually against his quickly hardening member. Still frozen, he frustratingly allows Joe to continue pleasuring him without returning the loving gesture, despite how Evgeni wishes he could just stroke the toned stomach, or return the kiss as the eager lips met up with his own. The only way to express his approval is through a shaky moan that spills over his parted lips, his hips inching up toward more heat, in hopes that it will melt the icy sheet immobilizing his body.
A deep laugh shoots from Joe’s chest to Evgeni’s, his whole body quaking as the rumble subsided. The heat pulls away and soon Evgeni is dipped into the frozen air once more. The ground swallows him as though it was water, Evgeni sinking deeper and deeper until he rests lifeless at the floor, the cold too inhabitable for even the most grotesque of creatures.
Whimpering at the sudden loss of contact, another chuckle vibrates the chilly surroundings. The heat returns after a few whimpered pleading and begging, but only as hot breath at his ear, sticky and dripping with malicious intent.
“I knew you wanted it.”
The ice clinging to his lashes stings when Evgeni rips his eyes open, taken aback as Avery crouched over his weak body, his smirk ghosting against the shell of his ear.
“You’re just begging for more.”
-----
A choked sob escaped him when he truly woke up from his nightmare. Restraints held him down around his chest and arms, pinning him in place and ohmygodIhavetomoverightnow. He struggled briefly, until he finally caught the pleas whispered into his ear. A calming voice.
Joe’s voice.
Evgeni realized that he was still hard as he shifted in his tightened jeans uncomfortably. He was overcome by embarrassment and shame, stilling his jerky movements to an unnatural extent.
That it had been Avery who had him feel that way… he wanted to die.
It calmed him slightly when he reminded himself that he thought it was Joe who was eliciting those reactions from his body, but the result still remained the same. Everything he had worked for was gone in an instant. All the time spent, thinking that he was actually getting better was wasted.
“You have to tell me what’s wrong,” Joe desperately repeated, over and over, his voice sounding heartbreakingly broken.
“I’ve told yhou! And I’m nhot getting any better!” Evgeni cried back, his hands wriggling free from the larger man’s smothering embrace to cradle his pounding head.
“But…” Joe began, slightly hesitant. “You haven’t,” he whispered, his hands rubbing calming circles into Evgeni’s biceps at the same time.
“Haven’t what, Joe?” Evgeni growled exasperatedly, his words muffled through his palms.
“You haven’t told me anything.” He wasn’t accusing, he wasn’t bitter. Joe just sounded sad, tired.
His mouth snapped open to protest, but he stopped short, mind reeling. The smaller man rushed through his memories to discover that he hadn’t told Joe anything. There was a barrier of truths and lies that had been jumbled together into one belief, inevitably separating them from each other.
It seemed so simple, just to talk about it, though at the same time, so unbearably difficult. But Joe deserved to know. After everything he had done, it was the very least that he deserved to know.
Evgeni licked his trembling lips, and then everything came tumbling out. They rolled off his tongue like water, the constant stream of confessions not lightening until he had nothing left to say.
He rambled on about the end of the last season, how he had felt worthless for not being able to put up a fight (this time in sober clarity). He revealed his lies that had been hastily set in order to cover up the dark truth – no, he didn’t in fact feel as though San Jose rejected him; and no, he wasn’t also mugged on the last game of their season. He choked out a dry sob when he told Joe how it nearly happened all over again.
He explained how frustrated he was that he couldn’t save himself without Joe’s assistance. He paused for a minute, allowing Joe to soak in the many confessions.
Then Evgeni told the other man how grateful he was when Joe kept trying.
Joe listened quietly, nodding when appropriate and running his hands up and down the length of Evgeni’s shuddering arms as he spoke. His fingers combed through the wild, dirty-blond hair, reveling in how the silky stands glided through his touch.
A shaky sigh left Evgeni’s lips when there was nothing left that Joe didn’t know; he was left open and vulnerable, pausing with a cumbersome weight of ice-cold dread settling in his stomach. It was time for Joe to either accept what Evgeni had told him or to push him away. The troubled man was so nervous that he couldn’t even begin to dissect the inner workings of Joe’s complicated brain in an attempt to see beyond the blank façade.
They laid there for a long time, neither moving an inch ever since Joe’s hands stilled their lights caresses.
Finally, after what seemed like hours of waiting, Joe’s masked face shattered into a million tiny pieces like fragile glass, the light of it shining in his watery eyes. Evgeni’s heart just about jumped into his throat with relief when a twitch of a smile leaked onto the man’s face.
“What do ya want me to do?” was the only thing he said, but Evgeni barely needed to strain himself in order to hear what was implied to follow.
Tell me and I’ll do it.
He didn’t need pep talks, or reassurances. He didn’t want sympathy nor did he want promises for them to stay like this forever. So he told Joe the only thing he wanted, the only thing that he wanted Joe to provide.
“Jhust keep me close.” It came out as a raspy whisper, even though he was sure of words he had uttered; Evgeni winced at the grating sound his voice made, rough to his own ears.
But Joe paid no mind. He just quirked the side of his lips into a half-smile,, nodding and wrapping his long arms around Evgeni’s smaller body. “I can do that.” That was all he said.
The arm around his shoulders was a welcomed weight, unlike the burden that had been there for quite some time. As Evgeni drifted to sleep a second time, he couldn’t help but notice how incredibly relieving it was not to bear the unforgiving truth by himself any longer. He welcomed the throbbing warmth that bled through his body, thick and heavy, wherever the two of them touched. Legs tangled with legs, groins brushing together, chests bumping with each clumsy movement. Hands on a waist and intertwined in hair, their noses brushing as their exhausted smiles mirrored each other’s.
The heat that grew in his chest rose like lava, bubbling with pent up energy until it felt as though he would burst. The only way he could describe it was that it was, well, unexplainable, as simple as that. It was too new to explain, too good to deny, and too frightening to admit. But it was something that wasn’t there before, and Evgeni clung to it desperately. Whatever it was, at least Joe would be there with him, the firm grip on his back and gentle cup at his jaw told him as much.
-----
To be continued
-----
Now everything is on the table and actual ~*~*~progress~*~*~ can be made with these two.
Oh! And wasn’t that clever of me with using the title in the chapter? The title as actually a mistake on my part from the first chapter, it was a… tester, if you will, before I could come up with a good name. But! I forgot when I posted this and had to keep it for reader’s purposes... yes.
Pairing: Joe Thornton/Evgeni Nabokov
Rating: PG
Summary: Not all in San Jose is sunny as the path to the Stanley Cup proves to be as difficult as ever; falling in love might be the simplest task on this year’s agenda.
Editor:
sherlockelly, who pretty much wrote this chapter because ideas are failing me. Thank you for your hard work as always :) A/N: Okay, Just to let you guys know, the last time I updated was during the middle of a gigantic updating spree, so just double check the last chapter before you read this one. Don’t want you to get confused now!
Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V | Chapter VI | Chapter VII | Chapter VIII | Chapter IX | Chapter X | Chapter XI | Chapter XII | Chapter XIII | Chapter XIV | Chapter XV | Chapter XVI Part one | Chapter XVI Part two | Chapter XVII part one | Chapter XVII part two | Chapter XVIII | Chapter XVIII | Chapter XIX | Chapter XX | Chapter XXI | Chapter XXII | Chapter XXIII | Chapter XXIV
Disclaimer: None of the San Jose Shark franchise belongs to me, each person involved in the story besides my own original characters are their own person and I am not assuming their sexual orientation or beliefs in real life, but am only twisting them for each to be beneficial to the plot.
-Chapter 25-
“Stay here t’night,” Joe blurted out, only slightly annoyed with himself this time about his inability to keep his mouth shut. He probably would have been more aggravated if he didn’t want his request to become true. He would be lying if he said he didn’t.
Flustered, Evgeni glanced around the room wildly. “What? I mean, Iya don’t know if I should…” he began rambling off, his hands unlatching themselves from his belly as he waved them around to emphasize his many points, his face growing more and more heated by the second.
Removing his head from his hand, Joe bent down and pressed his lips softly against Evgeni’s own, muffling out the rest of his ramblings quite effectively. Pulling back, he put on the most calming smile he could create and he gripped one of the other man’s now still hands as reassurance. “Trust me.”
Eyelashes flickered down as Evgeni watched Joe’s lips shape out the two short words. Who knew something so small could have such an impact. And yet, within seconds, he found himself smiling shyly. “I do.”
“Then stay.”
“All right.”
-----
After the next few minutes of shuffling, with Evgeni buttoning his shirt back up, and Joe throwing his sweater back over his head, the two found themselves huddled together on the floor, a heavy blanket thrown over their weary bodies. They faced each other with drooping eyes, but Evgeni let the tired grin that first bloomed at Joe’s request grow into a satisfied smile, his eyes fluttering closed.
He felt not merely happy, but thankful. A large arm draped over his shoulder, and he curled his hands toward his chest wordlessly, scooting in close to accept the warm embrace as the palm on his back pulled him in deeper. A sigh rumbled through Joe’s chest when Evgeni nuzzled his nose into the fleece-covered expanse of muscle, the vibration sending drowsy waves down to his toes, making him realize how utterly exhausted he truly was. One of these days, he vowed to himself, he would stay awake after one of their heated sessions.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Evgeni foggily recalled Joe saying that he expected something like this to happen again, another date. Evgeni hummed aloud sleepily in agreement, barely catching Joe’s soft laugh at the sound; he really hoped that it would happen again too.
As tired as he was, that promising thought sent thousands of new ideas popping up in his head.
How long ago was it since Dallas? He was torn between it feeling as though it occurred yesterday and yet at the same time, millions and millions of years ago. And then even before that, having to endure the summer all by himself… it haunted him, even now. He had been isolated because of his thoughts, his disgust with himself.
He was shaken from the thought by warm, even breaths ruffling the hair at the crown of his head, Joe dozing off, his body engulfing Evgeni’s -as silly and naïve as it sounded- like a welcoming shield from the world. To his back burned the fading cinders of the once proud log fire; in front of him, the man who wormed his way into Evgeni’s life first as a friend, and then something he couldn’t find words to explain.
Reminiscing came easy to him now, after all the moments of the day he would stuff it back down, mentally whacking at it until there was nothing left to think about until another time. True, it was difficult, thinking back to when he had almost given up. It was scary when he realized how close he was to losing it all, how he had been walking on the edge, just waiting for the final shove that would have changed him.
But how would he have changed?
He couldn’t answer that, not anymore. Not when he knew it wouldn’t happen.
Dwelling on such complicated outcomes stopped weighing heavily on his shoulders when Joe pulled him away from the proverbial darkness.
At times, he knew he had been a burden; a constant wreck of unreasonable emotions. He had been depressed, he had been angry, he had felt so completely alone. He had been scared of what was happening to him, because he didn’t know how to fix it.
Avery -even now the name made him flinch- had done no more than drunkenly attempted to force himself onto Evgeni, he would admit that.
As he lay there in Joe’s arms, he wondered if he wasn’t afraid of Avery, but rather what could have been. What if they hadn’t lost the game? What if he had left as the same time as the rest of the team? What if he hadn’t been so tired?
What if he hadn’t gotten away?
He knew, he knew for a fact that it was worthless to think about what didn’t happen, so why did it bother him so much? He traced the metal zipper of Joe’s sweater with his finger absentmindedly, his eyes unfocused on his gentle touches.
Joe. Evgeni balled his hands loosely into the excess fabric that pooled under Joe’s body. What Joe had done for him made Evgeni almost swoon with admiration. Almost. Another part of him was a little disappointed with himself for not being able to do anything before the other man’s timely intervention.
The fire sputtered out its dying embers, and soon Joe’s small living room was nothing but darkness. Evgeni pulled himself in even closer, the space between his chest and the other man’s shrinking until he brought them flush together. A flash of what had happened earlier that night appeared behind his tightly shut eyelids when their groins innocently bumped, Evgeni’s face flushing at how badly he had wanted it. The feeling was gone just as quick, a quiet sigh escaping from his tired body as he surrendered to the approaching slumber.
Before he nodded off, Evgeni kept his gaze locked on Joe’s face, merely inches away from his own, as his vision became sharper in the darkness. Careful as to not jostle his partner awake, he looped his arms around the thick neck, intertwining his fingers just where the auburn curls brushed playfully on his rough skin.
He hesitated, his eyes darting about the unaware face, mapping out each nuance until the image was ingrained into his quickly fading mind. The light freckles that dusted over Joe’s nose and cheeks could be seen now, even in the sparse lighting from outside, and Evgeni couldn’t stop the small smile from spreading over his face. Keeping his eyes open, despite the ever tempting promise of sleep, Evgeni cupped the head in his two hands and closed the nearly nonexistent space between them. Joe’s parted lips were still under Evgeni’s shivering kiss; they were chapped and tasted faintly of candy canes. His eyes fluttered shut when he pulled back just enough to whisper goodnight, his warm breath dancing over Joe’s skin and heating up his own blushing face.
He fell asleep soon after, his fingers drawing lazy patterns at the base of Joe scalp. When the digits finally stilled, Joe chanced cracking open an eye, his face crinkling with a beaming smile when he knew that the man in his arms was indeed asleep. He returned the kiss to the smooth brow and whispered a goodnight in return before dozing off as well.
-----
It seems as though only seconds have passed when Evgeni cracks his eyes open a sliver; soft, hazy light seeping through the thin lids. He turns on his side, his head sliding perfectly up to his ear so that it can cradle his weight, a smile on his lips when the gesture is returned.
He smiles brighter when Joe leans in and pecks him sweetly on the lips.
The white light filters through the room as though the sun is right outside the window, almost painful with its luminosity. Evgeni has to squint to see Joe clearly. A halo surrounds the man’s body, outlining the beaming face like a gentle touch, the sharp jaw blurring with the air around it, washed out colors bleeding into each other in the harsh shining.
Something behind Evgeni stirs. A cold creeps up his spine, claws sinking into his back and spreading like ice throughout his body. Limbs heavy, and chest so cold it is burning, even his breath escapes him as forced pants, crackling and popping to nothingness in the warm air.
He doesn’t turn around; he likes what he sees in front of him. His eyes close as the dead weight finally overpowers them, lips brushing against his as he lays still. They are so warm against his own; the light is so bright that he cannot bring himself back to sleep.
He holds back a wince. He can feel the warmth settle on his cheeks as light as feathers, brushing at his skin playfully, but behind his twitching eyelids all he can feel is the frost.
“It’s cold,” he croaks his thoughts, a slight crease in his brow to covey his discomfort.
“Of course it’s cold! We’re on the ice, aren’t we?”
Confusion - it washes over his aching body, chilling him even more. He pries his eyes open and takes a sweeping glance of his surroundings. Everything is white. A gentle nudge at his hand and Evgeni pauses to turn his gaze down. Fingers tangle with his, strong and confident. He holds on tightly to the grasp, for it seems to be the only anchor he has from sinking into the blinding white.
“Bhut it’s cold,” he argues pitifully, unsure if he stamps his foot despite the childish motion, for there is nothing there for his foot to stamp on to. “Nhot like the ice.”
How can Joe not feel it? It is wrapping so tightly around Evgeni’s chest that he gasps just to breathe, his insides slowly crystallizing in the frozen air. This is not the dry cold. This is not the cold that envelopes his body the moment he steps onto the rink, becoming every bit a part of him until he washes it away in the showers. That cold is the antidote for his burning passion, fulfilling in a win, or a promise for more in a loss. Without that cold, Evgeni doesn’t know what he would do to quench the festering need to play hockey.
This is nothing like that cold. This cold hurts.
“This is how ice always feels,” the other man responds, a light tone to his voice. Not quite condescending, but not quite humoring either. A serious look befalls his peaceful face, his happy eyes wrinkling with a concerned frown. “Is there… is there somethin’ you wanna talk about?”
The cold seems to pulse with cruel laughter at the words, spreading up his arms and down his legs. Graceful, deceiving hands skim over his body, a shiver of disgust rakes through his semi-paralyzed self, his eyes becoming heavy again from the strain of fighting against the iciness.
“Actually…” He swallows, ignoring the sharp cracking that rips through the ice that cling on his chest as his lungs expand to allow in the intake of air.
How can he admit fighting an enemy who wasn’t even there?
“N-no. Everything’s fine,” he finally, reluctantly offers.
“Oh… okay.”
Joe sounds a little disappointed, but Evgeni doesn’t have to see the hurt expression on the other’s face as his eyes finally froze shut. Pinprick-like goosebumps cover his skin when the hands encircle his neck, tightening just enough to make Evgeni aware of their presence.
“If ya say so.”
Evgeni tries to nod, but the fingers that are wrapped around his throat suddenly squeeze the fragile column, air caught in his lungs and just out of his open mouth. The cold creeps up from the grip; he can’t see, he can’t move, he can’t breathe. Panic joins the freeze, and darkness bubbles over the white light that seeps through his welded shut eyelids.
When his vision becomes a suffocating veil of black, the fingers release his throat at last, Evgeni swallowing hungrily for oxygen.
After the rush of air back into his systems, Evgeni is vaguely aware of hands roaming about his body and lips sucking on the flesh of his left earlobe. He becomes aroused instantly.
He cannot recall starting this endeavor with Joe, but it feels nice all the same. He is on his back, the larger body draped over his, each motion rubbing sensually against his quickly hardening member. Still frozen, he frustratingly allows Joe to continue pleasuring him without returning the loving gesture, despite how Evgeni wishes he could just stroke the toned stomach, or return the kiss as the eager lips met up with his own. The only way to express his approval is through a shaky moan that spills over his parted lips, his hips inching up toward more heat, in hopes that it will melt the icy sheet immobilizing his body.
A deep laugh shoots from Joe’s chest to Evgeni’s, his whole body quaking as the rumble subsided. The heat pulls away and soon Evgeni is dipped into the frozen air once more. The ground swallows him as though it was water, Evgeni sinking deeper and deeper until he rests lifeless at the floor, the cold too inhabitable for even the most grotesque of creatures.
Whimpering at the sudden loss of contact, another chuckle vibrates the chilly surroundings. The heat returns after a few whimpered pleading and begging, but only as hot breath at his ear, sticky and dripping with malicious intent.
“I knew you wanted it.”
The ice clinging to his lashes stings when Evgeni rips his eyes open, taken aback as Avery crouched over his weak body, his smirk ghosting against the shell of his ear.
“You’re just begging for more.”
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A choked sob escaped him when he truly woke up from his nightmare. Restraints held him down around his chest and arms, pinning him in place and ohmygodIhavetomoverightnow. He struggled briefly, until he finally caught the pleas whispered into his ear. A calming voice.
Joe’s voice.
Evgeni realized that he was still hard as he shifted in his tightened jeans uncomfortably. He was overcome by embarrassment and shame, stilling his jerky movements to an unnatural extent.
That it had been Avery who had him feel that way… he wanted to die.
It calmed him slightly when he reminded himself that he thought it was Joe who was eliciting those reactions from his body, but the result still remained the same. Everything he had worked for was gone in an instant. All the time spent, thinking that he was actually getting better was wasted.
“You have to tell me what’s wrong,” Joe desperately repeated, over and over, his voice sounding heartbreakingly broken.
“I’ve told yhou! And I’m nhot getting any better!” Evgeni cried back, his hands wriggling free from the larger man’s smothering embrace to cradle his pounding head.
“But…” Joe began, slightly hesitant. “You haven’t,” he whispered, his hands rubbing calming circles into Evgeni’s biceps at the same time.
“Haven’t what, Joe?” Evgeni growled exasperatedly, his words muffled through his palms.
“You haven’t told me anything.” He wasn’t accusing, he wasn’t bitter. Joe just sounded sad, tired.
His mouth snapped open to protest, but he stopped short, mind reeling. The smaller man rushed through his memories to discover that he hadn’t told Joe anything. There was a barrier of truths and lies that had been jumbled together into one belief, inevitably separating them from each other.
It seemed so simple, just to talk about it, though at the same time, so unbearably difficult. But Joe deserved to know. After everything he had done, it was the very least that he deserved to know.
Evgeni licked his trembling lips, and then everything came tumbling out. They rolled off his tongue like water, the constant stream of confessions not lightening until he had nothing left to say.
He rambled on about the end of the last season, how he had felt worthless for not being able to put up a fight (this time in sober clarity). He revealed his lies that had been hastily set in order to cover up the dark truth – no, he didn’t in fact feel as though San Jose rejected him; and no, he wasn’t also mugged on the last game of their season. He choked out a dry sob when he told Joe how it nearly happened all over again.
He explained how frustrated he was that he couldn’t save himself without Joe’s assistance. He paused for a minute, allowing Joe to soak in the many confessions.
Then Evgeni told the other man how grateful he was when Joe kept trying.
Joe listened quietly, nodding when appropriate and running his hands up and down the length of Evgeni’s shuddering arms as he spoke. His fingers combed through the wild, dirty-blond hair, reveling in how the silky stands glided through his touch.
A shaky sigh left Evgeni’s lips when there was nothing left that Joe didn’t know; he was left open and vulnerable, pausing with a cumbersome weight of ice-cold dread settling in his stomach. It was time for Joe to either accept what Evgeni had told him or to push him away. The troubled man was so nervous that he couldn’t even begin to dissect the inner workings of Joe’s complicated brain in an attempt to see beyond the blank façade.
They laid there for a long time, neither moving an inch ever since Joe’s hands stilled their lights caresses.
Finally, after what seemed like hours of waiting, Joe’s masked face shattered into a million tiny pieces like fragile glass, the light of it shining in his watery eyes. Evgeni’s heart just about jumped into his throat with relief when a twitch of a smile leaked onto the man’s face.
“What do ya want me to do?” was the only thing he said, but Evgeni barely needed to strain himself in order to hear what was implied to follow.
Tell me and I’ll do it.
He didn’t need pep talks, or reassurances. He didn’t want sympathy nor did he want promises for them to stay like this forever. So he told Joe the only thing he wanted, the only thing that he wanted Joe to provide.
“Jhust keep me close.” It came out as a raspy whisper, even though he was sure of words he had uttered; Evgeni winced at the grating sound his voice made, rough to his own ears.
But Joe paid no mind. He just quirked the side of his lips into a half-smile,, nodding and wrapping his long arms around Evgeni’s smaller body. “I can do that.” That was all he said.
The arm around his shoulders was a welcomed weight, unlike the burden that had been there for quite some time. As Evgeni drifted to sleep a second time, he couldn’t help but notice how incredibly relieving it was not to bear the unforgiving truth by himself any longer. He welcomed the throbbing warmth that bled through his body, thick and heavy, wherever the two of them touched. Legs tangled with legs, groins brushing together, chests bumping with each clumsy movement. Hands on a waist and intertwined in hair, their noses brushing as their exhausted smiles mirrored each other’s.
The heat that grew in his chest rose like lava, bubbling with pent up energy until it felt as though he would burst. The only way he could describe it was that it was, well, unexplainable, as simple as that. It was too new to explain, too good to deny, and too frightening to admit. But it was something that wasn’t there before, and Evgeni clung to it desperately. Whatever it was, at least Joe would be there with him, the firm grip on his back and gentle cup at his jaw told him as much.
-----
To be continued
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Now everything is on the table and actual ~*~*~progress~*~*~ can be made with these two.
Oh! And wasn’t that clever of me with using the title in the chapter? The title as actually a mistake on my part from the first chapter, it was a… tester, if you will, before I could come up with a good name. But! I forgot when I posted this and had to keep it for reader’s purposes... yes.
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Date: 2009-07-06 12:37 am (UTC)and yes i know with the time i spent writing this i could have read half of it, whatever, i'm procrastinating doing damages at work lol.
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Date: 2009-07-06 12:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 07:07 am (UTC)avery isn't a big bad meanie, he is ~*misunderstood*~. and i love him. and i want his misunderstood babies.
HE WAS JUST WAVING HELLO, OKAY?!
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Date: 2009-07-06 07:19 am (UTC)he wondered if he wasn’t afraid of Avery, but rather what could have been.-- I added that for you. So... kinda being nicer to him? Sorta. Ish.
Yay fluffiness! And I told you a thousand times that there wasn't going to be any sex, so I don't know why you're suprised. Disappointed, I can understand (no sex? damn!).
But now I'm inspired to write and it's the most exilerating thing ever :)
*goes off to write Chapter 26*
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Date: 2009-07-06 07:22 am (UTC)go write! and eat your orange!
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Date: 2009-07-06 07:26 am (UTC)Yay awesome chapter! *huggles*
Orange = eaten, hahaha
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Date: 2009-07-06 07:35 am (UTC)now i'm eating cherries. jealous? you should be.
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Date: 2009-07-06 07:48 am (UTC)And not so much jealous, because I don't like cherries. Love everything cherry flavored! But not actual cherries. Sorry!
PS I just understood where my explosion of acne came from! Damn you trades! >:(
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Date: 2009-07-06 07:51 am (UTC)But am I glad I did? For some strange reason, yes. Yes I am!
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Date: 2009-07-06 07:56 am (UTC)keep me updated tomorrow? i'll be out and about all day, and while i'll be obsessively checking twitter, text me as soon as you hear anything.
jk you just texted me lol.
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Date: 2009-07-06 08:00 am (UTC)when would they have the trades updated? It etter be early... The suspense might be the worst part (I hope...)
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Date: 2009-07-06 08:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 08:12 am (UTC)10 >:( That is not early enough. What about ten Chicago time? Is that a possibility?
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Date: 2009-07-06 08:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 08:23 am (UTC)I'm clutching my plushie nabby for dear life lol... oh god. The hockey gods hate us.
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Date: 2009-07-06 08:29 am (UTC)might be a full time canes fan in a mere few hours. the horrors. for now, i must go to bed. keep me in the know and i'll do the same!
i'm wearing my patty shirt to sleep, possibly for the last time. my marshmarleau :(((
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Date: 2009-07-06 08:32 am (UTC)No! You can't be a full time Canes fan! I'd hate you forever >:( Sharkiessssss, you're breakin' my heart to pieces!
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Date: 2009-07-06 01:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 01:12 am (UTC)And thank you for your lovely review as always! I'm glad you liked it :)
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Date: 2009-07-06 02:17 am (UTC)So totally stoked to see this new part and how it was written. Awesome.
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Date: 2009-07-06 05:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 04:20 pm (UTC)Sweet! I'm so glad that you know there are people that appreciate it. Honestly, I started reading this and couldn't tear myself away from it ever since. It's like an old friend you go and spend time with, you know? It's great. Honestly.
I'll stick with it until the end, I can honestly say that. Cheers!
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Date: 2009-07-06 08:22 pm (UTC)I hope the end will be a long ways off, and I can't wait to see you there ;)
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Date: 2009-07-06 09:10 pm (UTC)Oh yes, you can totally count on me being there.
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Date: 2009-07-08 01:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-08 01:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 05:52 am (UTC)Anyway, I just wanted to say that this story (since I went back and read all the chapters) is AMAZING! Seriously. The Sharks are my team and I, like pretty much every SJ fan here, am saddened by the lack of Sharks fic, but the amazingly greatness of this story nearly makes up for it. Thank you and your editor because this story is fabulous and it's just...yeah...amazing. Sorry, words tend to fail me often.
PS, added bonus to me, I get to use my Sharks icon! Yay!
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Date: 2009-07-06 06:22 am (UTC)*blush* amazing? Well isn't that something every writer wants to hear! Thank you so much <3
And yay Shark icon! I love me some Milan, I hope we get to keep him :( Ugh! Stupid trading drama. I hope that you can use your icon more often! Updates will be sooner, considering this was the one I was stuck on.
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Date: 2009-07-06 07:26 am (UTC)You love my future husband too? Awesome! And yeah, trade drama is really keeping me on edge. Yay for updates coming sooner! I know I haven't had to wait for any yet, so I'm glad I won't have to start waiting forever now.
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Date: 2009-07-06 07:33 am (UTC)And Milan is my czech sweetheart! Though *my* ring finger is waiting for Torrey to slip the ring on it one day ;)
yup! This chapter got me super inspired, so depending on what happens tomorrow, I'll be writing as much as I want!
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Date: 2009-07-06 07:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 07:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 06:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 08:21 pm (UTC)I'll write more soon for sure!... that is, if Nabby's not traded today, ugh. I don't know what I will do if that happens. Bawl my eyes out probably, haha.
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Date: 2009-07-07 06:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-08 01:05 am (UTC)I looking forward to more too! The next one will be longer, promise!
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Date: 2009-07-12 10:55 pm (UTC)WELL. I read it while in the car on the way home from vacation and my friends looked at me funny when I sort of squealed when I saw it. oops!
ANYWHO. I loved it as usual. I did LOVE LOVE LOVE the use of the title in this part. And I really just can not get enough of these two. I just want to hug them. :) I can't wait for the next part. As much as I wanted to read some Joe/Nabby sex-times, I like that they are taking it slow and fluffy :O)
oh and THANK YOU NABBY for talking to joe. kthxbi. :)
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Date: 2009-09-02 07:41 am (UTC)How he saw/see's himself after the Avery thing. The disappointment that it took Joe to come along and help him and not help himself.
How much Joe means to him for not giving up on him when it seemed impossible. To how much he cares for Joe.
The dream: Can't describe how amazing put together that whole thing is. I mean, it's all nicely fitted and it flows together, makes so much sense and it's just... the best dream scene wrote yet.
It's real and lifelike because it shows what Evgeni isn't talking about. He's admitted what happened, talked a small part about it, but otherwise, he's still mum on the subject and even though he's getting better, he's still struggling with it. It's real and understandable.
The ending: Um yessssss. Finally letting Joe in, Evgeni, makes me sooo happy I could cry.
And it's not cheap, filled with useless words and reassurances, it's the only real (that seems to be my favorite word? haha, sorry) thing that could have happened and be believable.
Omg. It's just... so simple. And like the rest of the chapter, it all flows and fits. And it shows how much Evgeni trust in Joe to tell him all of those things. It shows things moving along nicely...
Annnnd hopefully, I'll have another chapter done tonight? That would be awesome, lol.
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Date: 2009-09-08 01:50 am (UTC)Really? That's so great to hear! I think on that note, this will be the last dream sequence for a while, until it's completely necessary of course.
Exactly! People just don't get over turning points in their lives, I'm so glad that this is conveyed, I've been worried that I've ignored past chapters to an extent, but at the same time, it's Evgeni who's thinking about it, not Joe. So that's my excuse lol? Bad excuse, I know.
One step at a time! And it only took 20something chapters. Thank you so much :) That's pretty much the best thing I could every get out of a review. That people could believe it. Ah, so fulfilling! So use 'real' all you want, I definitely don't mind!
I hope you have some more time soon, I absolutely love reading your reviews! Thank you so much :)
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Date: 2010-08-18 03:08 am (UTC):)
I just want to cuddle with them, except Nabs needs Joe, not me. Sadness.
Oh well. This is an amazing chapter nonetheless. I absolutely adore how much Evgeni trusts Joe now, and the last half of this chapter is my favorite. Please forgive my long winded rambling thing, i am exhausted. I just need to saw this is amazing.
Please update!!!
LSP