(no subject)

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Title: Dreams, Leaves, and Cocoa: Part One/??
A/N: This is for

alyssa_rko ! Happy late birthday dear!! Eh, sorry for a weird title. My sister’s prompt for me. I wrote this mostly a few days ago but couldn’t post until today. This fic gave me a lot of trouble, but I hope you like it! Please leave feedback and any criticism!!! Thanks!
Author: BrylinMoyGyeroy
Pairing: Kind of Alexander Ovechkin/Alexander Semin, mentions of Alexander Ovechkin/Nicklas Backstrom, eventually Sasha/???
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Sasha's POV, Sasha is distressed about what will never be…
Disclaimer: not true, and I don't own anyone.

 

 

My head lay against the hard floor, my back pressed against the cold tiles, held down by his body lying entirely on top of mine. The world spun above me. With a few choking cries, I laughed myself breathless as his limbs began to restrain me from moving, brushing warmly against my skin, strong and confident. His arms were firmly latched around me and his legs were tangled in mine, ensuring that I would, and could, go nowhere. The beautiful blue eyes and playful smile that I loved so well hovered above my face, looking down at me with an air of concern that quickly changed to mischief once he saw that I was alright.

“You lose, Sasha.”

I glared at him playfully, trying to wriggle my arms free without success. I was, though not reluctantly, pinned to the floor like glue.

“Well, you didn’t exactly win, either,” I chuckled, my breath catching as I struggled some more to move. He raised an eyebrow in guilty confusion, a half-quizzical ‘how so?’ look playing on his face. “You can’t really win a race by tackling your opponent to the ground.”

He smiled and shrugged, clearly not accepting that statement, and stared down at me intently. Not saying a word, he began to trail his fingers gently through my hair, which was spread in every which direction on the floor. His gaze lingered on me for a while, never losing that lighthearted smile, but I noticed a gleam in his eyes that was more affection than laughter. I couldn’t read the emotion in his face, but it was beautiful, simply beautiful, and I closed my eyes as my world became nothing but him, remembering the glow of his features, the simple peacefulness of that gaze.

He moved quietly above me, and somehow I felt that he was much closer, so close that I could feel his breath near my mouth. Hearing a delicate breath from him, I suddenly tasted the warmth of his mouth in mine. Surprised, I lifted my eyes until they met his, smiling at the utter love that was shining in those blue spheres. He held perfect eye contact with me as he kissed me deeper, more passionately, sucking at my lips and moaning softly. His actions were tender, and my heart beat wildly at this new sort of contact between the two of us. I melted at the feel of him, having desired this for so long…so long…

“Alex…”

When he finally released my lips, I was at a loss for words. My breaths came hard and short but my body was at such peace that I felt like crying from joy. At the same time, my mind felt overpowered. For a moment, he stared at me with a gaze that could have been made of glass, but slowly his eyes closed and he rested his chin on my cheek, a soft smile etched on his lips. Indescribable happiness flooded through my every vein, and I felt incapable of feeling anything then but love for him. Only he could make someone feel so overwhelmed while being so gentle.

“I win,” he stated in a whisper, dragging his hands through my hair again, his eyes still closed. He had gone quiet and seemed just as mesmerized as I was. God, I loved him. As I felt his chest rise and fall against my own, I was suddenly possessed with the desire to drown him in love as he had done to me, to make him just as overwhelmed as I was. With a rush of strength that caught him completely off guard, I flipped him over onto his back, falling on top of him with a small laugh. His mouth spread into a wide grin, and I practically devoured his lips, kissing him over and over and all over, hardly letting him breathe. He lay there unmoving and let my mouth speak all that would not be spoken with words, moaning and gasping with a new kind of desperation that I’d never heard from him before.

“Sash—Sasha!”

Lazily brushing the hair out of his eyes with my thumbs, I smiled down at him, letting him catch his breath.

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

He shook his head, smiling wickedly.

“Nyet.”

My eyes grew wide.

“Well, I—I love you.”

“I know,” he said quickly. I loosened my grip on his arms enough for him to free them, and he enclosed me in a warm embrace. My mouth lingered close to his, feeling the tingle of his hot breath, and I wanted nothing more at that moment than to kiss him with all of the burning passion I held inside of me. As I moved my lips closer, his arms tightened around me and I suddenly found myself being thrown off of him, sprawling on the ground speechless. I didn’t fall hard, but the impact of the gesture confused and hit me emotionally. We had been so close, and suddenly he had created a distance between us. I was hurt and shocked for a moment…hadn’t he wanted this? Was he afraid? Rejection frightened me more than anything. Oh God…I didn’t want to see…to know…my eyes closed and I lay still.

“S-Sash?”

I opened my eyes a moment later to a worried Alex hovering above me.

“You okay?”

I nodded.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I thought I killed you,” he whined, his fingers braiding themselves into my hair once more.

“I’m fine, I promise. I didn’t even hit my head,” I chuckled, smiling at how overdramatic he can be sometimes. His face lit up a bit, but he quickly shook his head as if in disbelief.

“I never get this right…” he grumbled, sighing and watching my face absentmindedly.

“Get what right?”

“This…mood. That was supposed to be passionate.”

Oh God. I felt myself start to tremble in anticipation. Was this possible? My mouth opened to say something, but no words would form in my throat. He wanted me…he loved me…

With a gentler gesture than before, he cupped the sides of my face in his hands and leaned down until his face was practically touching mine.

“Sasha…let me show you…how much I love you too…”

The words seemed to drip from his mouth like honey, and I savored the sound in my ears. Nodding fervently, I reached for his belt buckle. His strong hand stopped me, and when I looked at his face for an answer, he winked at me.

“Race?”

We began tearing off our own clothes as fast as we could, our competitive natures kicking in once more, but within a minute we were tangled in each other’s arms, uncaring as to who won that race, skin on hot skin, lips meeting fervently. All that mattered was that we were together, touching, feeling, sensing. I was willing to let him have his way with me. Anything he wanted to do, he could do, so strong was my desire, my love for him. I was his. Completely, entirely his.

“God, Alex, I love you.”

“You already said that.”

“Shut up. I mean it when I say it.”

“I know you do.”

Laughing, I leaned over him and caught his lips in mine while my hands slid lower, trailing over every strong muscle, every inch of sweaty skin.

“Love me too?” I teased, biting his lips until the bitter taste of blood hit my tongue. I licked the cut gently as he squirmed under me, his hands gripping my shoulders firmly.

“Y-yes! I love you too, you crazy—Ah, Sasha!”

He jerked and knocked his head on the floor, cursing and holding my shoulders tighter. I had pressed our groins together, reminding him that, besides love, we wanted each other badly. As I splayed kisses down his chest, he tugged at my hair and forced my head lower, his breathing coming fast. With a pleading cry, he spread his legs slightly, whimpering for my touch.

“Sasha…Sasha, I need to feel you…”

His eyes closed, and I grinned mischievously even as my mouth lingered only inches from his throbbing cock. Sucking on two of my fingers, I pressed them into him, laughing as he yelped in surprise.

“God Sasha!”

I smiled as I forced him to jerk uncontrollably with pleasure, moving my fingers at an alarmingly fast pace, his moans ringing in my ears.

“You want me?”

“D-da…konechno…ya tebya…lyublyu…”

Removing my fingers and once more taking his lips in my own, I slowly entered him, gasping as he tightened around me, shocking my body with pleasure and heat.

“Mmm, Sasha…”

I deepened our kiss, my tongue tracing his hot mouth, moaning at the sensation that was overpowering me. I lifted up for a moment and then sunk back into him, repeating the gesture again. My thoughts swam nonsensically in my mind as I moved myself up and down in such physical heaven that I couldn’t keep my eyes open. His heat was almost too much for me.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this…”

He let out a cry as I hit his gland with a hard drive, fingernails digging into my back, begging for more. I reached down and took his cock into my hands, slowly working it in rhythm with my thrusts. He moaned long and loudly, his eyes rolling back. I’d never seen him so…dominated before. He was certainly not one to beg. And yet, here he was…

“I love you, Sasha,” he whined, his breath catching as I slammed into his gland again. The words sounded so right, so beautiful. I felt him moving underneath me, and I shuddered. Every movement felt like all of my senses were combined in one. He held my lips tightly in his, not letting them go for anything. We were pressed even harder together, our movements becoming more and more like one. His eyes were closed, his breathing harder. My sighs could barely leave my mouth, as his lips were pressed to mine. He cried out very softly, releasing my lips, and stared into my eyes lovingly.

With such passion and heat as we had created as we joined ourselves together, the sensations were such that neither of us had experienced. I bucked violently into him as my orgasm gripped me, knocking his head on the floor when I came back down, whimpering his name and shuddering with pleasure. My whole body felt as though it had been squeezed in a fist of fire. This was complete, utter happiness. He smiled contentedly, pleased that he had lasted the longest, and with the feel of me still inside of him, he came, his head falling back, my lips leaving kisses on his neck, crying out and gasping with the only energy that was left in his body.

“Sasha…Sasha I love you…I love you……I love you……”

 ***

I had awoken with a start, hot, sweating, shaking, tears welling in my eyes as the dark room swam into my vision. It had been a dream.

The cold wind brushed my hair into my eyes as I shivered alone, taking silent refuge in the only place where I could just think, outside, in the silver moments before dawn. It was early Saturday morning. Night still hung thickly in the air and the earth was dark and damp. The sun had yet to glow on the horizon. I tucked my knees up to my chest, my hair shaking as it hung above my eyes, and took a deep breath, filling my lungs with the frosty air. The cold was numbing but liberating.

The dream had been so real; I had felt his body, seen the emotion in his eyes, been filled with that happiness that had coursed through my veins, bringing my lost body back to life. He had been mine, and I, above all, had been his.

It was only in my mind.

I knew what it felt like to be in love. A part of me felt that I had always been in love with him, always had that unbreakable bond between our spirits. And even as I sat there in the cold, I knew that I was still in love with him. That was where my unbearable loneliness came from, that I loved him with all my heart, so much so that it hurt, and I knew that he would never be mine.

We were a pair, partners in crime, best friends. I could not deny my feelings for him, and it killed me to know that he would never feel the same. His heart was elsewhere, not with a quiet Siberian, but a laughing, blond-haired Swede. Even so, I was never alone. I’d always lie awake at night, long hours. Often times he’d come in, and I’d be laying still, my face turned to the wall, and he would think I was asleep. He’d always put a blanket over me, sometimes kissing my forehead, at which I would have to try not to wake. Warm arms would close around me.

“I love my Sasha.”

These words, whispered so effortlessly, would always cause me to sigh, a sleepy, comfortable sigh, and they’d stay with me for the entire night, singing softly in my mind. Whether or not he knew that I was awake, I didn’t know. He’d repeat his words, over and over, every time, “I love my Sasha.”

And I’d fall asleep like that, content that his words ran through my mind, imagining that there was some other meaning to those words, a deeper meaning, more than just adoring friendship.

I’d always wake up alone. Both pairs of blue eyes would always greet me, and yet he never knew that I could hardly manage to look into either. It hurt far too much.

Nicklas was my friend. I tried not to feel jealousy for him; he didn’t realize that he had stolen away a part of my heart, the other half of my spirit, at least not intentionally. It wasn’t his fault Alex had fallen in love with him. The only thing I’d ever seen him offer Alex was true, unconditional love. And for that I was happy. That was what my Alex deserved. Devotion.

On the tree next to me, a single, dying leaf fluttered in the wind, clinging to the end of its branch with weakening strength. I watched it there, the wind trying to tear it violently from its tree, and yet the stubborn leaf wouldn’t let go. It was inspiring. Of all the leaves that had once adorned those branches, now scattered around its base, that little leaf had outlasted them all. I watched that quivering leaf for who knows how long, biting back tears. I felt incredibly weak inside. Alex…Alex, I think I’ll always be clinging to you with the last of my strength…

With the wind howling in my ears, I didn’t hear the quiet footsteps behind me. A gentle hand rested on my shoulder, startling me, and I turned to meet two beautiful blue eyes staring at me with a look of concern.

“Sasha, what are you doing out here?”

With my lips shaking, my eyes took in his every feature, closing slowly as he continued to stare at me. At the moment I couldn’t stand to look at him. Not at his innocent, boyish face, his blond curls…

“Are you alright?”

His voice was soft and worried. I opened my eyes once more, again meeting that gaze that I simultaneously loved and loathed. He looked truly concerned about me. Taking my hand in his, he squeezed it warmly, moving a bit closer. Neither of us said anything. The leaf that I had been watching fell to the ground, and the tree was left bare. As it floated past my feet and fell to rest atop the frozen ground, it saddened me to an extent that even I couldn’t understand. With a deep breath, my tears began to fall.

“Sasha?”

“Nicky…” I choked, turning to face him with desperation written in my eyes. I needed someone.

I dragged him close to me, squeezing him tightly as I let my emotions pour out of me. He sat silently, rubbing my arms were they held him and whispering sweet words as console. I just clung to him, holding those hands that Alex loved to hold, feeling the warmth of his body, only then noticing how comforting and precious he was. I understood why Alex loved him so much. He was a perfect friend. I rested my face on his shoulder, feeling a strange but strong love for him, for the teammate who had all that I desired, a love of utter thankfulness that he was there with me.

“I love you, Nicky.”

I almost laughed at how ridiculous I must have sounded, so emotional then when I was normally quite a stoic person. He tightened his arms around me.  

“You can always talk to me, you know,” he said quietly, his lips turning into a gentle smile. I nodded as he wiped some tears from my cheeks with his sleeve.

“I know I can. Thank you.”

He let me hold him for quite a while, enduring the bitter wind even as the house waited warm behind us. Slowly my breathing grew back to normal and my tears stopped falling, and we simply sat together, watching the dead leaves dance on the ground as they were swept away into the cold.

His voice startled both of us, the words landing on our ears much louder than I’m sure they actually were.

“What are you two doing up so early? And Nicky, don’t leave me again. It’s cold without you.”

Alex's deep voice set both of our hearts beating. We both turned to face him, and I tried to smile to hide my sudden depression. God, I wished he didn’t have to see me like this. His eyes grew sad as he saw the look on my face, and he immediately gave Nicklas a worried glance, whose arms didn’t loosen from my body. With a gentle hand he lifted my chin and looked into my face, looking heartbroken.

“Sasha? You okay, baby?”

I sighed.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I said, trying to sound as steady as possible.

He shook his head.

“You’re…sad.”

“Maybe.”

Nicklas sat motionless, staring at Alex with troubled eyes. I think he knew what was going on with me. He always seemed to know everything.

“We should bring him inside,” he said softly, and Alex nodded.

“Wait just a minute, Nicky,” I snapped, a smile for the first time appearing on my face, “I am perfectly capable of bringing myself inside—gah!”

Nicklas burst into laughter as Alex lifted me into his arms kicking and struggling like a little child.

“Come on, Sasha. You’re cold.”

Nicklas looked on, smiling, and followed next to Alex, still chuckling at me. I glared at them both, putting on my best pout, but I couldn’t argue. I was extremely cold.

“Come on. I make you some vodka-cocoa. It will cheer you up.”

Nicky snorted when he heard the name of Alex’s breakfast-time concoction, but I completely relaxed in his arms, smiling to myself.

Yes, that was the sort of thing that had so endeared him to me. That was why I loved him. And even though I was so empty inside without him to call my own, just his friendship cheered me when he was there with me…a contagious, indescribable happiness…

For now, I think I can live with it…

 

Comments

[livinlavidalove.livejournal.com]

Poor Sasha:( Very powerful and well written. More Please!

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Aww, poor Sasha indeed. I hope I can make it better for him...I only have a slight idea as to where I'm going to go with this. Chances are I'll make him happy:) I love him too much. Thank you for reading and for your nice comment!

[lovelyracketeer.livejournal.com]

Aww, poor, sad Sasha! He needs to find someone of his own. I'm curious to see who you have in mind. :)

Good so far! Can't wait for more.

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you:) Yes, Sasha needs someone...you will learn in time, haha. The pairing kind of came out of nowhere.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting:) Really, it means a lot.

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you! Yes, I'd assume it's quite hard for him...don't worry...I plan to help him. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

[phantom-19.livejournal.com]

Poor Sasha. I had a feeling this might happen sooner or later. I wonder who Sasha will end up with in the end.

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

*hugs Sasha* I feel evil now. Everyone is sad for him. Don't worry...I'll try to make him better:) Thanks so much for reading and commenting:)

[abw92.livejournal.com]

I loved this! Can't wait for more!

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Aw, I'm glad you liked it! Hopefully I'll get more written soon! Thanks for reading and for your comment!

[jess-the1.livejournal.com]

Poor Sasha.*hugs him*

Is it worng that I want Alex and Nicky to take Sasha to bed and have their way with him.;)

Can't wait for more.

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Aw, yes, do hug him. He needs some love.

No, I would not say that's wrong, haha. And I wouldn't put it past them.

Thanks so much for commenting!

[anneoftherocks.livejournal.com]

Poor Sasha, tears were up to my eyes reading it!!

So incredibly written, je suis éblouie, please continue, you're awesome!

French canadian love--♥♥♥ C'est pour toi ma chérie ;)

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you:) I'm really glad you liked it!
I don't speak French very well...but I understood that! Except for "eblouie", I don't know that word. But thanks for the French Canadian love:) There were so many French Canadians at the Devils-Canadiens game tonight...it was like a game in Montreal. Luckily my Devils got the last word in...

Anyway, thanks so much for reading and for your comment! I really appreciate it:)

[twentyseven.livejournal.com]

Ahh! Thanks for dedicating this to me, darling!! I just got home from an eight hour shift at my restaurant and this was nice to come home to!!

The imagery was beautiful. Poor Sasha. Sasha/Ovie is one of my favorite pairings and you do it the best!! I love when you decide to write new stuff!

Very intriguing. I want Alex/Sasha together, but at the same time, that would hurt Nicky and NOBODY wants that!!

More, soon!!

♥
♥
♥
♥

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

You are very welcome:) Ugh, eight hours? That's a lot. I had remembered a while back you saying that Sasha/Alex was one of your favourites and I wanted to write them...I had wanted to write a happy fic, but...well, Nicky showed up. But I just love Nicky! Anyhow, I'm glad you liked it! I hope to have the next part up soon:) Thanks so much for reading and your comment!

[quinnkeeper.livejournal.com]

I'm sitting here crying.

That was so beautify written. Sasha's emotions and the way you worded everything just fit so well together. It was beautiful.

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Aw, I didn't mean to make you cry. But thank you so much for the complements! It really means a lot:) Thanks so much for reading!

[quinnkeeper.livejournal.com]

A good cry is good sometimes, and this was a good cry. I sware, I was sitting her last night crying my eyes out. Whew.

I cant wait for more!

[tinydancermags.livejournal.com]

This was just beautiful, I don't even really have words for it. Wonderful work, I can't wait for more!

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and thanks so much for reading and commenting!

[cpexplosion.livejournal.com]

Ouch poor Sasha.. but I love how Nicky is written here - seems very him, devoted and purely innocent in feeling.
Awesome job! ^^

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Thank you:) I'm glad you like my Nicky. I can't help but portray him that way...he's just so adorable. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

[revuko.livejournal.com]

How beautifully tragic. Thanks a lot for making me cry (No really, that was awesome, I can't find words to describe it D: I fail)

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you so much! I'm sorry for making you cry:( But I'm really glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for reading and your lovely comment! You so do not fail; I really appreciate your kind words:D

[millerxgoose.livejournal.com]

Oh I like this.