Fic: Contentment (Part 5 of 5)

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Title: Part 5 of 5!!:  Contentment
A/N: Sequel to 'Confession', 'Reunite', 'In Darkness', and 'Competition'. Конец!!! It's finally finished! I'm sorry that this chapter is so long, even longer than the last one...I really do think that ridiculously long Russian novels are influencing my writing, haha. I tried my best to make everyone happy:) This chapter was actually quite fun to write, and I used a completely different POV for the short ending, which may or may not work...
Please comment and give feedback! Thank you!
Author: BrylinMoyGyeroy
Pairing: Alexander Ovechkin/Nicklas Backstrom :)
Other characters: Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Alexander Semin
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Alex's POV. Alex and Sidney figure something out between the two of them, and all is as it should be in the end:)
Disclaimer: not true, and I don't own anyone.

Parts 1 and 2: 

Part 3: 

Part 4: 

 

5: In love

Words couldn’t explain how dearly I held Sidney in my heart, but somehow I knew deep inside that it just wasn’t true love. Not that kind. I loved him to death, as my brother, as someone who understood me and completed me. I loved to feel him, to feel his body and strength, knowing that he was physically there with me and would always be there. I needed him. He made me happier than anyone else, and I loved to be with him. But I was not “in love” with him, as I had thought. No, most certainly not. This wasn’t “in love”. This was unfathomable brotherly love and lust. But that “in love”…what was that, exactly? “In love” is difficult to describe, the state of mind between reality and illusion, the state of consciousness when you are not quite sure that you are not walking amongst an angel. It is complete enthrallment of the mind, body, and soul by a person so close to you that you feel that you and them are, truly, one being. I felt it this time, and felt it for real. Every time I caught sight of those blond curls, that precious, boyish face, I realized that what we had was more than I had ever had before.

For the first time in so long, I was completely, 100 percent certain of something. I was hopelessly in love with Nicklas.

And yet, as I lay there that cold night, it was not Nicklas but Sidney wrapped in my arms, his small body warming me, his presence invaluable comfort to my aching heart. My thoughts wandered to the young man asleep on the couch, and then back to Sidney. God, how I loved them both, but it was different with one than it was with the other, and it had been backwards in my mind for far too long. It was not fair—not fair to either of them not to say anything.

“Sidney,” I whispered into the darkness. He answered immediately; apparently he had not been asleep either.

“Yes?”

I didn’t know how to say it. I didn’t want to break his heart as I had done to Nicklas.

“I’m confused.”

Simply put. He didn’t answer for a long time.

“Me too.”

He dragged his hand over my chest, tracing my body gently. I reached over and buried my fingers into his hair. I couldn’t see him, but he shifted next to me and I felt his lips lingering next to mine. I drew him into a kiss, tasting him for as long as possible. He was more gentle than normal, not suffocating me with his tongue as usual. He wouldn’t let go of my lips, and his hands found their way to my face, holding it firmly. When he finally released me, I shuddered and pulled him close. I felt his hot breath on my face and closed my eyes.

“I need to talk to you.”

“I need to talk to you, too,” he whispered. I ran my fingers softly over his lips, feeling how gently his breaths came. He waited patiently for me to speak.

“What do you make of this?” I asked quietly, my voice blank.

“Of what?”

“Of this. Of us.”

He sighed and rolled over, facing the wall.

“I don’t know. But I do know that I love you.”

I closed my mouth and fell silent. I couldn’t do this. I was going to hurt him beyond belief, and I could never, ever bring myself to do that to someone I loved again. Not after Nicklas.

“But,” he continued, taking deep breaths in between. The silence felt like forever. “I’m not sure exactly what that means, that I love you. I mean…I know I care very deeply about you. I love being with you.”

“Sidney,” I began before he could continue again. I turned and grabbed onto his shoulders as hard as I could, in almost a fevered passion. “Sidney, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love you. But this—this isn’t—we are not “in love”. It’s different, the kind of love…I love you. I really do. So much so that I think I mistook it for…for another kind of love. But I’ve had it hopelessly wrong in my mind…I love you like my brother, but—but I am in love with my teammate and I can’t do anything about it.”

I felt that I was going to start sobbing any second, so I let go of him and buried my face into the pillow. I had said all that I needed to. He lay silently beside me, hardly moving at all. Slowly, he started rubbing my back, gently circling my shoulder blades with his nimble fingers. I trembled as the tears fell from my eyes, yet, somehow, I felt he understood. He always understood everything. After a few long minutes, I raised my head, and turning on the light, hugged him tightly. He fluffed my hair, trying to comfort me.

“I’m sorry…” I muttered. He shushed me, and I simply let myself lie limply in his arms.

“What did you have to tell me?” I asked breathlessly, pressing my head to his chest. I wished he would say something.

“Nothing,” he whispered with what looked like a half-glint in his eye. “You already said it.”

Opening my eyes wide, I faced him, open-mouthed.

“You’re serious?”

He nodded.

“So you…understand?”

He nodded again, this time more fervently. I couldn’t believe that this had been so easy.

“I know I love you, but not like that...I mean, we have so much fun—

“But it’s just the way our friendship is,” I completed for him, pulling him close to me once more.

“Exactly. It was tearing me apart…”

“Me too.”

We stared at each other for a good long while, our eyes doing the talking for us, understanding everything completely. That was all the love we needed, brother to brother, friend to friend, heart to heart. And it meant so much to me to know that. Suddenly, we both felt very, very tired.

***

When I awoke the next morning, he was tangled in my arms, snoring softly. God, I was so thankful I still had him as my best friend. I tried to get up without waking him, but he yawned sleepily and opened his eyes, staring into mine. We didn’t say anything to each other, but we didn’t need to. He rolled out of bed and ran his fingers through his hair, sighing, but not with sadness.

“I guess I should be getting back to Pittsburgh. The team will be wondering where I am, considering I didn’t make the trip back with them last night. I should probably go catch a train.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

I walked him to the door, my hand on his shoulder, not taking my eyes off of him. As I opened the door to let him out, I almost couldn’t bear to say goodbye, but he and I knew that this was much better for the both of us.

“Sidney, you know I still love you, right?”

“Of course. I love you too. We went through this last night.”

My lips turned into a smile, and I smacked him playfully on the ass before following him down the steps. He glared at me, but hugged me quickly, shivering in the sudden cold from outside.

“Good luck with that crazy Swede, Alex,” he winked, a huge grin spreading across his face. I laughed brightly and grasped his hands in mine.

“Thank you for always understanding everything, Sid.”

He smiled at me, stepping further away.

 “Same to you.”

Letting my emotions get the better of me, I threw my arms around his neck, nearly knocking him off balance, and buried my face into his shoulder. I rocked him back and forth in the embrace, holding on to him for as long as possible.

“You’d better visit soon, Alex,” he said, and snickered, grinning. “I don’t want the next time I see you to be the next time my team kicks your team’s ass.”

“In your dreams. Next time, Capitals are the best. You will see.”

I followed him as far as I could go in just my bare feet on the frigid ground, and when I couldn’t take it any longer and bounced back to my house, I watched him from the open door, waving fervently. He waved back, beaming affectionately at me, and called out to me one last time.

“Alex, how do you say “I love you” in Russian?”

I chuckled, understanding why he might wish to know.

“Ya lyublyu tebya!”

“Thanks!”

And with that and one final wave, I shut the door, breathing deeply.

***  

Late morning, when the lazy sun had just barely risen above the thick winter mists, I went to talk to Nicklas. I found him sitting by himself alone on a chair in the hallway, bopping along to some music, probably that crazy Swedish music that Sasha and I both so decidedly could not tolerate. I moved beside him, smiling at him, and he quickly removed his earphones and smiled back.

“Hey Alex.”

“Hello dorogoy.”

The tender Russian name rolled off my tongue lovingly, but he didn’t understand it. I leaned my arm on his shoulder and sat down beside him although the chair was clearly too small for the both of us. He groaned under my weight and wriggled out from under me, pushing me off of him playfully.

“Where is Sidney?”

“He went home. Nicklas, we need to talk.”

“About what?”

“About…us.”

He looked confused for a moment, but then he gasped and shook his head, getting up from the chair quickly.

“No, I can’t,” he whispered, his voice quivering. He didn’t want to have his heart broken again. He started to retreat into the kitchen where Sasha was, where he didn’t have to face me alone.

“Yes, you can,” I said forcefully, grabbing the neck of his shirt and pulling him back. He stared into my face with wide blue eyes. “It’s important. I…I’ve realized that things have changed between us, and it breaks my heart. I feel like you are running away from me lately, ever since September, and it really upsets me. I know I hurt you. I miss you. I miss my sweet Nicklas.”

He said nothing, rooted to the spot. He started breathing heavily, and I could tell he was very uncomfortable speaking about this. Still, I had to get it out to him.

“Can you tell me why you run?” I asked softly, although I knew the answer, and had known it for a long time.

He pressed his lips together, trying not to look at me. His eyes couldn’t avoid mine, however, and I saw the fear in them. I held out my hands to him, begging him wordlessly to take them. When he made no movement toward me, I tried pleading with him. My voice grew very soft and fragile.

“Please come here, Nicky.”

He walked up to me slowly, biting his bottom lip. He looked so sweet and innocent. Slowly, he laid his hands in mine. They were shaking.

“Talk to me, baby.”

He took a deep breath, chewing on his lower lip before finally exhaling with an emotional sigh.

“I love you.”

He closed his eyes tightly and started breathing as though he might cry at any moment. Although I already knew, the words still shocked me. I had never heard them spoken from his own mouth before. I forgot that I was standing with him and closed my eyes, relieved. Relieved that he still loved me, even after Sidney and I.

My lack of response must have disheartened him. I looked at him carefully, taking in the heartbroken look in his eyes, the clear defeat written on his face. This was so familiar, just like that autumn day when all this had started, when I went to Pittsburgh with an overflow of emotions that I was terrified of. This was Sidney and I all over again, but this time, I was the one to make him happy. I gently put my arm around his shoulder, feeling him shudder as he felt my skin against his.

“Nicklas…”

“I know,” he whispered, closing his eyes. “You have Sidney.”

A small tear slid down his cheek.

“Nicklas, I love you too.”

His eyes opened slowly and he met mine, trying to read my expression. He looked utterly mystified and probed my face for an answer.

“I love Sidney,” I began, taking a deep breath, “I love him more than I can possibly describe. But with Sidney and I it is a best friend love, and…lust…”

He blinked, not quite following, still staring at me, confused.

“Nicklas, you…”

I sighed, a gentle smile appearing on my lips. This all felt so right.

“I have realized that there is a big difference between love and being “in love”. For me, love is when you value someone so much that you would do anything for them, when you can talk to them and they understand every word you say, when you feel like your spirits were made from the same bright star in the sky. I love you. We have love, Nicklas. But “in love”…this is so very different. When you have love that is a million times stronger than that…when all you can think about is a certain friend, when your very soul feels that it needs theirs to survive, when you feel that the connection is so strong it can tear you apart…when you know that you would die without them being with you…that is when you are in love. It is almost painful, Nicky, being ‘in love’ with someone,” I watched as his eyes twinkled knowingly. “…you complete my being. I truly love you. As my best friend, as so much more…ah, I’m not making any sense.”

His eyes stared straight ahead at nothing in particular, and his words came barely audibly from his mouth, dripping with disbelief and awe.

“You are…in love…with me?”

“Completely in love,” I whimpered. He drew a deep breath, not knowing what to do or say. He stepped closer to me.

“I am in love with you too.”

I nodded.

“I know.”

After a long moment of silence in which we simply stared at each other, I offered my arms to him. He ran into them, laughing like I’d never heard him laugh before, pure joy bubbling out of him through that quiet little voice. Securing my arms around him, I picked him up, smiling at his surprised expression and adoring eyes. I felt like carrying him around everywhere with me. He laughed gently, his fingers curling on my hair as I swung him around, my feet bringing us wherever they desired to go.

As we passed by the kitchen, Sasha looked up from whatever he was doing, and upon seeing me holding him, legs dangling over my arms, both of us beaming, he put on an extremely amused yet equally puzzled expression which, coming from Sasha, was priceless, sending both me and Nicklas into fits of laughter. I waved at him, cautiously trying not to drop Nicklas, and rushed away, still laughing.

I carefully set him down on my bed, making sure he was comfortable. He started to remove his sweater, and I jumped onto the bed to help him, my impatience making him smile. He watched me silently with those beautiful eyes of his, following my every move as I removed my own clothes. I lay down beside him, gently touching the side of his face, staring directly into his blue eyes. I reached my arm up and pulled him closer to me, and he still remained silent, though a soft smile lingered on his lips. I had never felt so much love for anyone before. Not even Sidney. He was absolutely perfect, so fragile and sweet to me.

‘In love’ is the state of mind between reality and illusion, the state of consciousness where you are not quite sure that you are not walking amongst an angel. 

“Nicklas…” I whispered, pressing our bodies together. His breath grew faster, and his fingers entwined themselves in my hair. I leaned in and pressed my lips to his, ecstatic to finally taste him.

“Alex…” he sighed into my mouth, hardly allowing me to breath. I was quickly growing hard as I felt his hands wandering all over my body. I did the same; I traced his body with my fingers while staring hungrily into those eyes, sucking and biting those pink lips.

“This is…in love…” I gasped, his every movement making my heart beat faster. This was unlike how it had been with Sidney…I felt the real difference. His body against mine filled me with overwhelming sensation, each movement of his strong limbs enthralling some part of my soul and mind.

As much as I mentally tried to deny it, I had entered a world in which I knew that I was mentally and physically enslaved by a young, irresistible Swede. Most other times, the thought of being anything short of dominant would have made me squirm, but not with Nicklas. In a way, I wanted it, at least for this one time. I wanted him to have power over me, to make me submit to him. I was willing to be dominated, not something I said often. Or ever, until then.

“Nicky…I want you in me…”

His eyes grew wide, and he looked into my eyes questioningly.

“Are you sure? I recall you telling me a long time ago that you’d never—

“Dammit, Backie! I’m sure!” I nearly shouted, smiling at him. He raised an eyebrow but quickly leaned down to kiss me again, trailing his hands along my face.

“If you’re certain…”

“That’s how much I love you, Nicklas.”

His eyes glinted with impossible happiness as I said that, and his smile spread from ear to ear.

I held my breath as he slid a finger inside of me. I tried not to take my eyes off of his face.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes…don’t stop…please…”

It was rather uncomfortable, but I was so enraptured by the sweet young man above me that I didn’t care. He was beautiful, and now that beauty was all mine, and I was his. He pushed deeper. His finger grazed my gland and I arched quickly, drawing in a quick breath and stifling a cry. Okay, that was very nice. He brushed my spot again and I squeezed my eyes shut, my fingers tightening around his. Again. My breathing was growing rapid. I could definitely get used to this. He added another finger, and then a third. He allowed me to adjust to any discomfort, his face calmly looming above mine, admiringly. Again, he hit my gland, his eyes lighting up as I jerked under him. I gasped and cried out this time, the sensation too much to bear. He was driving me crazy, and he knew it.

“Alex?”

I opened my eyes wide and stared into his longingly.

“Ready?”

I nodded, reaching my arms behind his neck. He slowly pressed against me, entering me as gently as possible. I gasped with a mix of pleasure and pain, stifling any moans by locking my lips with his as he leaned over me. I pulled his hair as he sunk into me and pulled himself up and down, moaning something in Swedish that I couldn’t for the life of me understand. I couldn’t move, paralyzed with lust, want and love. He thrust deeper and harder, finding that spot yet again, and when he did I yanked his head back by his hair, hissing with pleasure at the powerful sensation. He winced, but it didn’t take him long to pin my hands at my side and fall on top of me, pressing my throbbing erection between our bodies as he kissed me, all the while still moving in me. Reaching down, he gave me a few strokes with his hand as I writhed beneath him, every sense of mine shocking me, wholly enveloping me. I cried out some mix of his name and Russian cuss words, unable to control myself from making a sound. Alexander Ovechkin was, in every possible sense of the word, completely dominated by Nicklas Backstrom, body and spirit.

“Alex, min älskade, I love you,” he gasped, his face flushed and beautiful as he allowed me take a gulp of air before devouring my mouth once more.  He hit my gland again even harder—I gasped and bit his lip, eyes shut tightly. It took everything I had not to come, but I wanted him for so much longer. He felt so good…looked so beautiful, his face ecstatic with bodily pleasure that I was giving him. Having him inside of me was utter heaven. Harder. Deeper. He slammed against my gland with all the strength he could use without hurting me, pressing me hard against the bed. He cried out loudly, a drawn-out “uhn!” sounding like heaven to my ears. God, I could hardly breathe…how was he so good at this?

“Mmm, oh God, Alex!” His voice was practically whining as he drove into me, his eyes closed, hands clenched tightly on my shoulders. I felt his tension from pure physical bliss as he squeezed his legs against me, making me squirm with every contraction of his muscles, with every strong, rhythmic movement of his cock in my ass.  

“God, Nicklas…” I moaned, my eyes rolling back. I was basking in the friction of our contact, but I was so happy to be pleasuring him so intensely.

With a few more thrusts into me, he dragged my body hard to his as his orgasm rippled over him, digging his nails into my back and crying my name together with god knows what in Swedish. His teeth bit down on my shoulder as he gasped in bliss, his body still convulsing from the absolute intensity that had just rocked him. I felt as though fire had enveloped my physical senses as he collapsed onto me, his weight putting delicious pressure on my still-hard cock. I was biting back everything, trying not to let go; I still wanted him, I didn’t want it to be over yet. Realizing that I had not yet come, his gaze met mine with a look of playfulness. He pulled out of me quickly, causing me to gasp, and he pounced on me, taking me into his lips. His mouth was perfectly hot and he smiled against me, shouting against my cock, “scream, Alex!”. Well, that didn’t take long. One swipe of his tongue on my head and I was convulsing uncontrollably, unable to breathe, giving him everything I had. I did scream, finally, my body twisting in pleasure under his.

“NICKLAS! GOD!”

Dear lord, he was perfect. I felt like I would pass out from the sheer overwhelming pleasure, the sensation was so intense. I collapsed against the pillow, gasping and out of breath, and he wrapped me gently in his arms, completely sated.

Within seconds I felt his blond hair brushing against my forehead, and I looked up to find his face next to mine, smiling and sighing with happiness. I kissed him tenderly and he returned the passion, laughing quietly as we lay together, one being, at long last.

“You like that?”

A guttural groan of pleasure from my throat gave him his answer, and he lay his head against my chest with satisfaction.

“Next time I let you control. I know you like that.”

I burst into giddy laughter as he said that. It was as though he had been reading my thoughts the entire time, knowing exactly what I had been thinking. He closed my hands in his fingers, squeezing warmly, letting me know that, after all that had led up to this, I was finally his.

“Alex, you can’t possibly understand how happy I am right now,” he whispered. I merely smiled and pressed his face to my shoulder. I think I did understand. This was perfect. This was how it should be.

“Nicklas, I adore you.”

He simply laughed.

***

As night fell over the east coast, cold but calm, the moon shone palely in the winter sky. He knew that his teammates slept serenely in one another’s arms, both entirely content, warmed to the heart by unwavering love and friendship. He knew that to the north, tucked away in the sleeping town of Sewickley, another house stood ghostly against the moonlight, and in it his friend was crying with happiness, clinging tightly to a sweet, dark-eyed Canadian. He didn’t know what it had all been for, all the grief, all the tears, all the frustration, but as a witness to it all, he could honestly say that he was happier for them all than he had ever been in his life.
 

Sasha sat alone in the kitchen, his back against the wall, breathing a very, very long sigh of relief. 

Конец.

Comments

[savvyfan.livejournal.com]

OK, I need a cold shower. Now.

Seriously, that's one of the hottest sex scenes ever. Brilliant. :-)

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Wow, thank you. I'm glad I did it right...I'm still relatively new to writing the NC-17 part of slash, haha. Strangely, it was much easier to write Alex/Nicklas than it was to write Alex/Sid...

[phantom-19.livejournal.com]

This is my first time commenting on this series but it just touched me so deeply that I had to write something. I LOVED THIS, as I was reading I had a feeling that Alex would end up with Nicklas in the end even after everything that had happened.

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you! I'm glad you liked it so much!
...yeah, I wanted them together from the beginning, haha. They are uber cute together.

Thanks again:)

[tremblay88.livejournal.com]

yay, alex and nick togetherrr finally!!
lovedd thiss, this really was reallly good:)
you did amazingg on this story<3

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Thank you!! I'm really glad you liked it!

[agood-badhabit.livejournal.com]

yay everyone is happy including me! what fantastic writing... so raw and emotional and delicious. perfect ending, and i can't wait for more from you!

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Aww, I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for your lovely compliments!
...haha, I had to make everyone happy. Thank you for reading:):) I'll probably write more soon.

[twentyseven.livejournal.com]

Oh, good lord!

That was so very hot. I don't think you know what that did to me.

The raw emotion of the ending was crazy.

He knew that his teammates slept serenely in one another’s arms, both entirely content, warmed to the heart by unwavering love and friendship. He knew that to the north, tucked away in the sleeping town of Sewickley, another house stood ghostly against the moonlight, and in it his friend was crying with happiness, clinging tightly to a sweet, dark-eyed Canadian.

SID AND GENO!!!!

I'm going to go out on a limb and say this way by far my favorite slash fiction I have ever read.

I hope you continue to write, and I look forward to new stuff from you.

Again, absolutely beautiful.

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Haha, wow. I'm glad it had an effect on you:)

Yes, Sid and Geno:) I tried throwing in little hints that this would happen throughout the rest of the story...it wasn't exactly planned, though. It's funny, because this story ended up with three different pairings in it, and I liked Alex/Nicky and Geno/Sid more than I liked Alex/Sid, even though I'm usually and Alex/Sid kind of person. I guess I've just discovered that there are more pairings, haha. I'm thinking I'm going to experiment with Sid/Geno next;)

Oh, wow! Your favorite? I'm flattered! I'm really glad you liked it so much and thank you for reading!

Thank you again!

[that-flies.livejournal.com]

my first time commenting on this story as well, i'm quite the lurker.

this was absolutely brilliant. by far, one of the best written/hottest sex scene ever.
i actually had to go over and re read some because it had that effect on me.

excellent job.
:]

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you! I'm glad you liked the sex part...I'm glad I did it right. I wasn't really sure how it would come out, as I'm relatively new to the NC-17 part of slash (2nd time), but it actually came easier than I thought it would. Alex/Nicklas just go so well together, haha.

Thanks again!

[morivera4213.livejournal.com]

Alex and Nicky finally <3 I loved the way you ended it and loved your writing stlye through out this story. The ending was perfect and how you incuded Sasha. Overall it was all good.:D

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it and thank you for reading so loyally, haha:)

Aw, I'm glad you liked the ending. I wanted to include Sasha in my ending, but I wasn't sure how switching POV for 4 sentences would work out, but I'm really glad it worked:)

Thanks again! :)

[april-l555.livejournal.com]

I think you were doing better with each new chapter… The end is very poetic, a little bit sad and a little bit promising…

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks:) I'm glad you liked the ending. I wasn't sure if it would work or not.

Thank you for reading!!