Fic: Competition (Part 4 of ?)

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Title: Part 4 of ?: Competition
A/N: Sequel to 'Confession', 'Reunite', and 'In Darkness'. I'm sorry that this chapter is so long...I've been reading a lot of ridiculously long Russian novels lately and I'm pretty sure it's influencing my writing, haha. I wasn't really sure how to write the game...I hope I did it right. I'll get back to the lovin' next chapter:)
Please comment and give feedback! Thank you!
Author: BrylinMoyGyeroy
Pairing: Alexander Ovechkin/Sidney Crosby, Nicklas Backstrom
Other characters: Nicklas Backstrom, Evgeni Malkin, Alexander Semin
Rating: PG
Summary: Alex's POV. Alex continues to be confused and extremely frustrated, and Nicklas continues to be brokenhearted. A dramatic Penguins/Capitals game helps Alex realize what he truly wants...
Disclaimer: not true, and I don't own anyone.

Parts 1 and 2: http://community.livejournal.com/2mins4slashing/652556.html#cutid1

Part 3: http://community.livejournal.com/2mins4slashing/653130.html#cutid1

 

4: Competition

The rest of that autumn was probably the nicest of my entire life. I felt happier than I had in months, and with each gentle day that passed, I hoped that the season of mellow mists would never end. I visited Sidney not infrequently, and it was always the same when we were together: a time of comfort when we would pour our souls out at each other, feeling for all the world like we finally had something worth clinging to, reveling in the happiness that was only in our hearts when we spoke together, understanding. And yet, as autumn began to fade away, the dying leaves being swept away in the bitter wind, and winter began to sneak up on us, cold and solemn, my heart began to lose its aura of ease, and I began to hold my head lower. My mood changed with the season. I was constantly sad and somber, my entire body feeling chilled and aching all the time.

Everything was a constant reminder of Nicklas. It really didn’t help that he practically lived at my house, although this I would not have wanted any other way. He was always around, and for that I was grateful. I loved seeing him, just being in his company. I loved him with all my heart. He was still the sweet, gentle person he always had been. But things were not the way they had always been between us. Our strong bond had grown weaker, and although I could tell that he still loved me, we spoke less often, shared far fewer laughs, even looked at each other less. I think he was avoiding me, afraid of heartbreak, trying not to remind himself that he loved me. I missed with all my heart how our friendship had been before, the days where we were so carefree and I could tell my friend anything. I longed for the simplicity of talking late into the night, laughing ourselves to sleep.

I couldn’t understand the feelings I had for the little Swede, and it troubled me greatly.

Even with Sidney to love (and I did love him with more passion than anyone else), I was more attached to Nicklas than ever. Lost in my own confusion, I felt like a much weaker, more vulnerable person, and this distressed me most of all. I wanted to feel like the happy, confident Alexander Ovechkin that I once was.

But, as usual, I had to push all of my thoughts aside as I prepared for our game. I strutted into the locker room confidently, trying to prove to myself and to my teammates that, underneath it all, I was still strong enough emotionally to lead them. We were playing Pittsburgh, a game that meant so much to me on so many levels. These games were probably the only time that Sidney and I weren’t friendly to each other, and I had the burning desire to show-off to him, to prove that I was the better half of Crosby and Ovechkin, that the Capitals prevailed in the Washington/Pittsburgh rivalry. I knew he was a great player and that their team was great also, but I needed to set the record straight that we were two different players, each outstanding in our own way, and two different teams, one better than the other. Sasha constantly told me that my arrogant side always came out during these games, and as much as I hated to admit it, he was absolutely right.

That night’s game did not swing very favorably to my liking.

I bit back yells of frustration as I skated up and down the ice, praying that we would catch a small stroke of luck in the dismal game. It was already the 3^rd period; we were down 4-1, and Sidney was basking in his glory. I heard him happily praising his team almost constantly, and, although we were at home, the Pittsburgh fans were especially loud, drowning out any cheers of “O-V-I-E” and cheering for him—him and his two-goal-two-assist night. I furrowed my brow in dissatisfaction. I was downright angry that we were losing to the Penguins. Nothing was going well for my team—our passes went astray, pucks rang off the goalposts, lucky bounces went their way, and so on. I felt so bitter I could scream. I sensed the disappointment of the fans as their cheers cut the arena quietly and unhappily, and the coach’s angry orders and hardly-encouraging shouts seemed to be dragging me down to the ice.

However, our luck took a turn for the better with less than 5 minutes remaining, sparking us with the hope that we could still win the game. Mike Green had passed the puck to Nicklas, and with one graceful, expert movement, he had sent Fleury to the ice and the puck was in the net. My heart leapt with delight and I yelped happily, screaming his name, rushing toward him as he skated in every which direction. He was laughing ecstatically, looking for someone to hug. Nicky! Nicky you are amazing!

I don’t believe it was intentional on his part. I don’t think he’d ever ignore me on purpose. Maybe he just didn’t see me, leaping up and down like the crazy Russian that I am and cheering as though we’d just won the game, but when he skated right past me as though I weren’t even there, yelling happily into Sasha’s open arms, I think my heart broke. Sasha caught my glance has he hugged Nicklas, watching me just stand there, a half-smile on my face and my arms open, still waiting to embrace him. He sighed sympathetically, and then was called back to the bench. I was crushed. The joy in the moment vanished entirely for me.

The game resumed its course, but the prospect that we were still losing loomed heavily in my mind. I slapped at the puck with unusual fury and fervor, trying to bite back the anger inside of me. I needed to score, to redeem my team’s honor, to embrace my Nicklas again. I sent it hurdling toward their goal, groaning as Fleury knocked it away.

As the thunderous voice of the arena screamed in my ears, announcing Nicklas’s goal, something strange happened inside of me, and I felt it in my heart like a bolt of lightning had just hit me. That little spark in me that had been burning me from the inside out since that autumn drive to Pittsburgh a few months ago burst into flame. As I heard his name, “Nicklas Backstrom”, yelled so loudly and excitedly, I felt an overwhelming sense of love and pride for my dear teammate. My mind was flooded with emotion that I couldn’t explain, that I hadn’t felt until that moment. Confusion consumed me completely. I passed the puck absentmindedly to whichever teammate was skating by me at the time, I didn’t glance to see who, and I looked around, shaking. Nothing seemed real. I looked Nicklas sitting at the bench, his blue eyes determined and blazing, I looked at the scoreboard, the ominous 2-4 flashing brightly, I looked at Sidney, skating gracefully on the other side of the ice, confident and spirited, my best friend. My frustration burned inside me. It was all too much…all of it. I needed release from my emotions.

My frustration found the unsuspecting outlet that had in recent games been the only way for me to relieve any aggravation. Turning on my skates and singling out the #71 jersey, I slammed his body into the boards as hard as I could as he skated by, wincing as he hit the ice, shocked and cursing at me in Russian. It should have made me feel awful knowing that, for some strange reason, in that moment, the one thing I felt I needed was to cause him pain. He was my friend. I don’t know why his pain helped relieve my mind, but it did. I skated away without a second glance.

Moments later, I felt myself go sprawling across the ice, the crowd shouting, my entire body aching with the impact of the hit. I couldn’t move for a moment, shaken to the bones. Damn, that actually hurt. I suppose I did deserve it, but still. Who had the nerve—

I did a double take as I realized that it had been Sidney who had hit me. His eyes were fixed on mine, so beautiful, looking slightly worried but clearly agitated. As Sasha helped me to my feet, he skated by, and once he made sure that I was alright, directed his words at me, not smiling in the least.

“Don’t hit Geno again, or I’ll hit you again.”

 ***

When we returned to the locker room minutes later, a defeated team, my heart and emotions came pouring out of me. Most of my teammates didn’t know how to react; I never cried in front of them, and as it was, they had no idea what was wrong with me, and so they left me there, whispering something to Sasha about giving me vodka. Sasha simply took both of my hands in his, pressing them affectionately, and Nicklas wrapped his arms around my shoulders, shushing me softly, the first warm personal contact we had had in a very long time. I didn’t know what I would do without them.

“Nicky…” I whimpered, reaching up with one hand to hold his own around my neck. I was so happy he was touching me.

“Shh. It’s alright, Alex. It’s just a game.”

Just a game. Oh, sweet, innocent Nicklas. If only you knew. I knew that Sasha understood what was wrong, and his friendship was my saving grace, but Nicklas’s simple, naive gesture of kindness caused my heart to tremble with relief. I was indescribably happy to feel his warm touch about me, so thankful to have his sweet face next to mine again, those expressive, beautiful eyes staring into my own, comforting me. I sobbed in their arms for a long time, saying nothing, my hands grasping them tightly, never wanting to let them go.

I walked out of the arena alone quite a while later, cellphone in hand, intending to call Sidney before meeting Sasha and Nicklas at my car. I needed to talk to him. My mind ran frantically with about a million things that I needed to tell him. As I walked through the dark parking lot, a figure moved in the shadows near where I stood, walking right toward me. It made me nervous, and I flicked my phone open and shone the light at the figure’s face. I smiled when I realized it was Zhenya.

“Zhenya, what are you still doing here?” I asked, a twinge of happiness in my voice. Now that the heat of the game had died down, I was quite glad to see him.

“Alex! We need talk!”

Although his accent was so heavy and he was using a language still quite foreign to him, his voice was surprisingly commanding, but sounded hurt. I sighed and walked closer to him, putting my hand on his shoulder. He quickly shrugged it off, glaring at me coldly. 

“I’m confused!” he shouted at me, his eyes blazing. Good. For once, it felt nice that I wasn’t the only one confused.

“Why?” I asked, although I clearly knew why he was upset.

“Why you try to hit me all the time? All the games we play you! I don’t understand this!”

I sighed, my breath forming white puffs of mist in the cold air. I felt bad. I didn’t know the answer to that. Truthfully, I didn’t. I looked at my feet.

“I’m sorry, Zhenya,” I said lowly, avoiding eye contact with him. Not satisfied with my answer, he lifted my chin up, staring into my face, surprised to see that I had been crying. His fiery eyes grew calmer.

“It’s…okay. Alex…?”

I smiled quickly, feeling slightly better on seeing the worry in his friendly eyes. It was good to know he cared.

“I’m fine. I won’t hit you anymore. I promise.”

“So we friends still?”

I nodded, not making a sound. He turned his lips into a crooked smile. His voice was softer as he switched back to our native language, putting his arm around my shoulder.

“I understand it’s a part of the game. I just thought you singled me out. It hurt a bit, you know?”

I nodded again, this time putting my arm around him. I felt extremely guilty.

“I mean, if anything, I should hit you,” he chuckled, immediately closing his mouth as if he had said something he shouldn’t have.

“Why?”

“Um…you stronger.”

I stared carefully at him, looking into his dark eyes, trying to read them. It was always so hard with Zhenya.

“I’m stronger, huh? Thanks.”

I could tell he was biting his tongue trying not to refute his own words. We were extremely competitive, and I would bet my life that that was not what he meant. Something else was bothering him. I was about to inquire, but another, smaller figure began to walk toward us, and my heart started beating faster, as I would recognize his silhouette anywhere.

“Sidney!”

I pounced on him, leaping into his arms, squeezing him tightly around his neck. He struggled to hold me up; I was so much bigger than he was, but he tried his best, smiling at me as I laughed into his shoulder. I felt the emotions of the game bubbling back up inside of me, but the fact that he had just defeated my team, that he had hit me, meant practically nothing in my mind as I held him, feeling him squirming beneath my body.

Zhenya tousled my hair and slipped away quietly, leaving us alone. Sidney put me down, motioning toward the direction in which Zhenya had just left.  

“So did you two work everything out?” he asked hopefully.

“Yes, I think so.”

I remained silent, not quite sure what to say to him for the first time ever. What would I say? I still loved him…but that moment during the game…the goal…Nicklas…

“Hey, I’m sorry I hit you so hard.”

I kept quiet, though still acknowledging his words.

“Alex, I’m his captain. I don’t like it when other guys hurt him. And you two are friends. You shouldn’t be fighting.”

“I know. I was just…frustrated.”

When I spoke, he gently pressed a kiss to my cheek, sighing softly. I held my breath.

“It’s okay, Alex. Please, just don’t hit him so hard again.”

We were silent after that, and said nothing else. I stared into his eyes, blinking slowly. Something was not right. I was afraid to talk to him, and I hated the feeling. Our conversations were always so easy. Something had changed inside both me and him; I saw the worry in his eyes, and I know he saw the worry in mine.

“Will you come stay with me tonight?” I asked pleadingly, squeezing his hand in mine.

“Of course.”

We walked through the parking lot together, no words being spoken, our hands entwined so tightly that it was as though we felt that if we let go, we would lose each other.  

When we got back to my house, exhaustion overtook all four of us. Nicky and Sasha both collapsed on the couch the minute we walked in the door, and I whispered to both of them good night as Sidney and I dragged ourselves to my bed.

I lay down, closing my eyes, drawing a deep breath and sighing slowly, trying to let my built-up frustration out. Sidney reached over and brushed the hair out of my face, twirling it behind my ears as he lay down beside me. I felt him trembling, and I rolled over to look at him. Yes, I loved him…but was it…in love?

“What’s wrong?” I asked, my words hardly audible.

“Ah…nothing. You?”

I sighed.

“Nothing.”

He pressed himself close to me, tucking his head under my chin. I kissed his hair gently and wrapped my arms around him.

“Sleep, Sidney.”

And hearing the silence which followed, I assumed he had listened.

Before I knew it, unexpectedly, I was crying again. Crying, because I finally had figured everything out in my mind. Something inside of me finally understood. Understood that there had been something there that I had been so utterly blind to. I threw confusion into the dust, and everything was crystal clear at long last.

 

Comments

[morivera4213.livejournal.com]

Aww even Alex and Nickys friendship is growing apart :( But Nicky is still there when Alex needs him the most. I might be wrong but Geno loves Sid huh? and Alex just noticed their thing that they have. Well anyways though great update!

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it:)
...I've got something in store for Geno, fear not. :)

[savvyfan.livejournal.com]

I think you did a great job with the in-game story. Nicely written, very clear and descriptive.

And now you've got me really wondering what's going to happen next. :-)

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I wasn't sure how it was going to turn out...it just seemed so long. Buuuut my next chapter is so much longer, haha.

Thank you for your comment!

[agood-badhabit.livejournal.com]

what an amazing chapter! this was really riveting and emotional. i feel stressed out from reading it haha but it was definitely done well and i can't wait for more! i sure hope someone can have a happy ending.

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks! I'm glad you liked it! I'm sorry it stressed you out, haha. Ironically, writing this is stress relief for me...I have had about 5 major essays in 3 different languages all due this week...that's been fun, haha.

Oh, I'm pretty sure the ending will be happy. I'm a sucker for happy endings, at least with these boys:)

[ladyaugustana.livejournal.com]

Why do I have the feeling Sid's in the same predicament as Alex? And let me guess, Sasha of course knows exactly what is going with everyone but every one is blind to it? lol, what a mess. Can't for more. ;)

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Hmm...I don't know... ;)
Poor Sasha, haha.

Thanks you for your comment!!

[xunfathomablex.livejournal.com]

Lovely! I finally got enough time to catch up on my reading, and your story was one I simply couldn't pass up. I love the details you use in describing the setting and yet, you can still be vague and let the reader picture what happened - for instance, the hit on Zhenya, you chose not to describe much - and I love your style. It's extremely efficient in both conveying beauty and emotion without being cliche and cheesy to read.

I loved it, all of it, not just this part. ♥ Can't wait for the next part.

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you! I'm glad you like my style. I need you for a professor, haha (one of my professors never, ever seems to like my writing no matter how I write anyhting ><).

Thanks so much for your feedback! I hope to have the next part up soon (perhaps the last):)

[twentyseven.livejournal.com]

You write Alex so good in this chapter. I also get the feelings that Sid is just as confused as Alex. Geno and Nicky are just too irresistable, huh? lol

Again, great chapter.

I must go back to the Blackhawks, Oilers game. I wonder if it's awkward for Pat Kane and Sam Gagner to play each other, you know, cause they're totally gay for each other... Lmfao.

[brylinmoygyeroy.livejournal.com]

Haha, your icon made me laugh!

...what's NOT irresistible about Russian and Swedish hockey players, especially Geno and Nicky? I can't blame either of them. Kudos to Sasha, haha. He has resisted thus far.

<3 Gagner and Kane :):)

Thank you for your comment!!