![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
frala.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
2minsforslashingTITLE: Where No One Knows Me
AUTHOR: Frala
E-MAIL: frala at hotmail dot com
DISTRIBUTION: Just at Perchance to Dream
DISCLAIMER: I neither claim any ownership to any of the characters aside from the ones I made up. And I'm not implying anything about any of the characters in real life. Its all fiction, none of it actually happened, I made it up.
AN: Thank you to Brenn, and AJ for the beta. Lyrics and title by Jann Arden. I want to thank everyone for all the support on this fic over the years, there's still lots to come. :) And special thanks for Angel or being so vocal. ;)
RATING: R, for language, slash.
CONTINUITY: This is part of the Happiness Is Not A Fish That You Can Catch series.
CHARACTERS: Trevor Linden, Thomas Morgan (oc), various Islanders, Canadiens, and Capitals from the time.
SUMMARY: Trevor spent the better part of three years in exile, playing for the Islanders, Canadiens, and Caps, this covers those years. Time line: 1998-2001.
Gonna ride ‘til I can’t even seem to remember
Who I was when I left and it don’t even matter
Gonna find some place where no one knows me
~~
~New York~ Feb 6, 1998 - May 29, 1999~
As much as I miss Vancouver, and miss Thomas even more, there's stuff about being here that I enjoy too. I can do anything here... like not a single person has recognized me away from the rink. I feel... as stupid as it sounds, kind of free.
I mean, I'm not going to trade being able to go totally anonymous for Thomas or anything, fuck I can so not move outside the rest of my life if it means I get him. Just so we're clear and all.
But you know, the guys here are pretty great. I'm rooming with this Brewer kid who's going to be a star one day. The team stuff... well yeah that's the easy part right?
It's the rest of it that's hard.
Waking up alone. Spending way more time on the phone than anyone ever should. Knowing he's getting off a marathon shift and not being there to rub his shoulders or just sit there while he does his best to gross me out about something or other... yeah that's the stuff I don't like.
I could just say him and be done with it I suppose, because that's the whole thing in a nutshell.
On the ice it's awesome. I just got named captain.
Fast.
They're kind of in a rebuilding, flailing around mode here I think. I like being captain again though; I can't even lie about that. Even if the whole meeting with Milbury was kind of strange. He called me in and ended up giving me the third degree about.. fuck about everything.
"So Trev... we want to make you Captain. You know you for McCabe, we're thinking we need to switch it up now with him gone and your record speaks for itself."
Almost doing it is better than not getting the chance I guess. But I nodded anyway and let him go on with the spiel. And I'd like to sound all ho hum about it but even though it was me giving up the C, I kind of had no choice and no one really fought me about it, and these guys want me to be... even if it’s an only choice kind of thing that felt good.
Mike had kept on talking, eventually moving on to asking about my family, his face looking a little less like he actually wanted to be shooting the breeze with me than when he was talking about business. Eventually the word wife got tossed around a few too many times and I knew I had to put a stop to it.
"I'm not married."
"Oh... you just say we a lot..."
Telling him I'm with Thomas came a little easier than it did telling Pat. Then again with so much experience it should. And you know I kind of had a surrogate father relationship with Pat and all.
Mike looked at me almost like he was considering his options of telling me to get the fuck out of his office but he shook his head and grinned at me instead. "Kid, if it means you aren't gonna be fucking my daughter, I don't give a fuck."
I think that kind of sums up the frame of mind he was in at that point. I was safe in more ways than one.
~~
It's Thomas' birthday tonight. His thirtieth. Big party at our place. All our friends and family all having a blast out on the deck, drinking, eating, celebrating.
At least I assume that's what’s going on.
Oh yeah, because I'm sitting in a hotel room in Detroit listening to Brew talk on the phone with his Mom.
As soon as he's done he smiles sheepishly at me, and gives me the phone, saying he'll leave me alone. He really is a great kid. Nice and quiet and steady somehow, he kind of reminds me of me at his age. I'd already been with Thomas for two years at that point.
Damn. So weird to think we've made it through ten years. I can still remember perfectly that morning I met him at House's place. He knocked me on my ass with how gorgeous he was. Fuck, he still does.
There's a lot of noise at my place and predictably Ronnie answers the phone, hollering at me until he goes somewhere a little more quiet. He's a little bit drunk and fun but you know I didn’t actually call for him. And he knows it, a few seconds later I hear Thomas's voice saying my name.
There's been a lot of talk about him maybe moving here. Especially in the last while since they made me captain. But there's... there's too many what ifs, and he has a contract there now. I mean it'd be pretty easy to break it, but he's finally where he worked so hard to be. The exact hospital, his mentor works there, his project is going so well; it's not right for him to pack all that in and move on.
Aside from his regular spinal work with kids, he's involved in casting clinics and doing work with kids from the places that sit in my box at games, well used to sit in it. Okay m'still paying for it but whatever I don’t even want him to give up everything he worked so hard for. No matter how much I miss the hell out of him and vice versa.
A badly sung version of happy birthday has us both nearly giggling and Thomas stays quiet for a bit. "I miss the hell out of you Trev."
"I know baby, same here."
And then there's silence. But not cause its awkward or anything, there's just nothing to say after that, we both know it. Somehow listening to him breathe and shift a little is still calming and soothing for me though, if I close my eyes I can picture him all tired from a shift, taking off his glasses and laying them on the nightstand, sliding into bed with me breathing exactly that same way.
Fuck.
"Trev..."
I swallow hard and open my eyes, forcing the images way. "Yeah baby?"
"You'll be back here in a week and a half you know?" His voice is calm and soothing and as always he's saying exactly the right thing to not let either of us get all caught up in self pity or anything else we shouldn’t be doing.
"I know.... I just wish I was there tonight."
"Me too." Thomas' voice isn’t much different than mine. "We'll have our own party when you come back though Trev, more fun than with everyone around anyway."
"Don't use your doctor 'everything is going to be okay' voice on me..." We're both cracking up now. I can hear the bed squeak and Thomas get up to answer the door.
"It's time for cake... Ronnie says he's sorry you're not here too, and also that he's sorry for eavesdropping. Oh no, that he's not sorry for eavesdropping." Thomas's voice changes and I can hear a muffled struggle then Ronnie comes on the line and says hi to me before the door closes again.
"You should go babe."
"I know." Thomas's answer is no more convincing than my suggestion was. But he really should go. "I love you."
"I love you too." And miss you, and wish every fucking second I'm here that you were too. "Call me before you go to bed."
"I will... Trev?" Thomas sounds a little like he's saying words in his head that neither of us really has to say out loud.
"Yeah?"
"It'll be a short week and a half, I promise." There's that doctor voice again. Even though I tease him about using it, it really does make it all seem better.
"I know."
~~
We had two days back home before the game against the Canucks. And aside from the massive amounts of sex me and Thomas have had, we've spent, even for us, a crazy amount of time talking. Like I thought we'd talked through all this stuff before I left, but now that we know what its going to be like... I dunno its not exactly easier to face leaving this time but I feel like I have a better handle on how to do it, even though that doesn’t make much sense.
He's in the stands tonight. So is everyone in my big extended family here. I'm a little nervous... okay I'm a little bit more than a little bit nervous. I know it's just another game and blah blah blah but it's not. I've been pacing back and forth here listening to the crowd and the oh so familiar noises... okay I can do this.
Even before I get on the ice I can hear it, a quick peek up and I see my face on the screen and the crowd roars even louder when I smile and step onto the ice. It doesn’t really go away until after the skate is over and I think... I'm a little less nervous for the game to start. Yeah no.
As soon as I get back out there there's another cheer, only it seems to go on for longer than before and when I look up there's a still picture of me up there... and a video starts. Damn. I didn’t expect... and m'not sure I want this at all.
But I get through it, with a few discreet eye rubs and stuff. By the time I'm back out on the ice again and they're still cheering I can barely keep it all in and I end up full on crying on the bench. Jesus, I knew I'd be emotional but this is so much more.
The rest of the game is a blur. Gino fights with someone... I dunno. I just need to get back to the room and see Thomas again.
He's there waiting for me as soon as I'm out of the shower. The ton of other people just stick around long enough to say goodbye and leave. They all saw me enough and know that this last night is just for me and Thomas. Just a few introductions and we're heading home.
Home.
I love saying that and actually going to my house. I love even more that I get to go there with Thomas, even if it is just for one more night. I don’t want to think about having to face the morning so we don't, we drive home and hold hands and kiss and make out like we did when we were first dating.
Ending up in our room with our clothes tossed all over the place like we can't wait to get our hands on each other. Okay, we really can't wait for that. At least I can't. The look on Thomas's face is pretty much like he can't either.
So we don't waste any of the night, waking up thoroughly exhausted and happy the next morning. And then pick right back up until it's time for him to go to work. Hell, we even make out in the parking lot a little like we used to when we were kids and I was dropping him off at school.
Stuff was so much more simple then.
But it's better now.
~~
~Montreal~ May 29, 1999 - Mar 13, 2001~
Wow. I didn’t ask for this, or you know really want it. But I'm back in Canada... I'm in fucking Montreal for god sake, the centre of hockey! How am I going to complain about that?
I'm sure as hell not, that's how.
Things in New York might not have been ideal but after the season ended and I went back home and me and Thomas got reacquainted, I could look back and see all the good things that came out of it. I'd still rather be home but there's worse things than being there, or here for sure.
It was weird readjusting to being home though. I got used to it being more quiet, being just me and all of a sudden there was Thomas around... as much as he is. It wasn’t him I had to get used to again it was the whole extended family in and out and everywhere. I think I kind of made myself forget how much I missed that too.
Summer was, like it always is awesome. Thomas is awesome... yeah I had no complaints about that either at all. Back to Long Island and another season away didn’t seem like it would be nearly as hard as it was the previous year.
And I guess I was right since now I'm here, and things seem like they're going to be even better here. I hated saying goodbye to Gino again; you don’t meet many people over your life like him. Unless you're ridiculously lucky, and I kind of feel that way already just to know him. Met up with a cousin of his to try and help me out here and ended up with an apartment and being introduced around the neighbourhood all within like five minutes it seemed like.
The team is pretty great too. A bunch of guys have invited me over and helped me to settle in as well, I think I really don’t have a lot to complain about being here.
I wish I spoke French beyond what I used to read on the back of the cereal box and other assorted food though. I took it in school but yeah the cereal box reading stuck more than school ever did.
Still despite the odd communication problem, I really like it here. I mean the hockey stuff is cool, it always is, but I like being... I dunno I'm not really closer to home, but it feels like it somehow though, yeah I can't really explain it but it just does.
~~
I think one of my favourite things about being here has been getting to know Saku. I've been blessed with so many awesome friends in my life and already he's in there deep as deep as any of them. You know you just meet someone and click as quick as you could snap your fingers? It was exactly like that.
Took one afternoon of him teasing me about coming in to steal the captaincy from him and be assuring him over and over until he finally gave in and admitted he was razzing me and we were good to go. He's been awesome.
Even Thomas likes him. Somehow. I don’t know how and I'm not sure I want to know, he got a full week off and is out here with me. Saku's girl loves him... ha, I know I'm horribly biased and I think everyone loves him but... whatever she does.
It's been a great visit. Maybe not as much freedom as we had on Long Island but it's nice. We maybe haven’t spent much time outdoors anyway. Thomas is out now though, with Saku... yeah I have no idea what they're doing but I'm meeting them for lunch after practice, since Saku got free of it today.
They're waiting for me at home though, I can hear giggling in the living room of the apartment when I get there. Something about Saku I guess, just inspires this close bond right off the bat. They're both sitting on the couch, Thomas's arm around Saku's shoulder, both of them drinking wine and laughing so hard they're wiping tears from their eyes.
If I was the jealous type.... yeah but I'm not.
Thomas pops up first and kisses me long and slow, whispering that he's happy to see me against my lips in a way that even if I was the jealous type, it'd pretty much disappear right then. Saku stands too and takes a step like he's thinking about kissing me then winks and punches me in the shoulder instead before sitting back down and getting me some wine.
There's a pretty good view of the city here and we don’t waste it. Even though it's cold we end up eating out there, take out Chinese, teasing about chopsticks and laughing until well after it's dark and we walk Saku down for his cab.
He jokes about walking home but there's no way I'm not making sure he gets there safe. Me and Thomas end up riding to his place with him. We're all just as drunk I have no idea why we thought we could be of any kind of help to him but the three of us get to his place. And promptly get invited in. Yeah... maybe that was the motivation behind it in the first place.
Homemade cookies and strong coffee works. All four of us now spend half the night talking and we sleep in the spare room. Later on lying in bed I can't help think that I'd love it here no matter what but finding someone who's this good of a friend... yeah it makes it even better.
Doesn’t hurt that while I'm thinking this Thomas is all curled up against me.
That pretty much makes everything amazing.
~~
I hate sitting in airports. I mean I hate it full stop from point a to point b so you better believe I hate it even more when its point a stopping in point b while you wait to go to point c.
We're in Dallas, waiting to go to Raleigh and I'm bored out of my mind. I've called Thomas and left a message and my brothers, and his brother and yeah, I'm running out of people. It's harder to get hold of Ronnie since he retired than it ever was when he was playing.
He's setting up a restaurant in Calgary and having a blast doing it all. They're all busy, even my Mom, and you know when you call your Mom and she has stuff going on that you're pretty damn bored. And possibly a little pathetic, but whatever, even the usual things the guys get up to when we have to sit for too long aren’t doing it for me today.
My agent springs out at me on my phone list and I dial him up expecting to get a message, but surprise he answers. Okay, so talking about Tkachuk isn’t exactly a great way to spend an afternoon but you know it's not horrible or anything either.
And then he puts me on hold.
I take it back, we can talk about Tkachuk all fucking day if it means the time is going to go faster here. He's gone for just a few seconds though, his voice half distracted and half amused as he tells me he sees a trade for us come across.
Damn... I haven’t seen management down around us, and no one is missing. I wonder who it could be while he reads and then splutters into the phone. "Holy Cow Trev... you just got traded."
"What?"
Whoops, I think maybe I screamed that cause everyone looks at me. My face is already pretty flushed but it gets more when Coach gestures for me to come over.
Yeah. A short conversation with him later and a promise that my gear is going to get transferred when they land and I have new plane tickets and I'm looking to find a new address.
I get to talk to the guys a while more, suddenly it all doesn’t seem so boring being with them anymore. Me and Saku end up in a quiet corner and talking for as long as we can before we hug goodbye. This time I do get a kiss, just a little one on my cheek. I hate goodbye.
I hate this.
Every time it's happened I have.
Maybe at least I'll stick around in Washington.
~~
~Washington~ Mar 13, 2001- Nov 10, 2001~
So starting all over again with introductions... to most everyone. I uh, guess I don’t need much of an introduction to Adam. Jesus, not that this has been awkward or anything. We get through it though. And the last few games of my season went off pretty well and I get to go home for the summer.
Every time Thomas has a few days off we go somewhere. Nowhere huge, Calgary, Red Deer, we built a cabin in Montana few years back and go there sometimes. Nice and relaxing... and no one around for as far as you can walk mostly.
I think that's my favourite part. As much as I love our family and our extended family, I love just getting him to myself. And if part of getting him to myself is sitting by a campfire all snuggled up while soft music plays in the background then that’s all the better.
And if there's making out involved, sign me up.
Yeah I think I signed up for that a long time ago. Seems kind of unreal to me sometimes that it's been almost thirteen years already. I never thought it would end up like this, even after we got together I wasn’t too sure about it being forever. But I am now.
I just hope I stick around somewhere long enough that we can look into him coming too maybe, or I end up somewhere that's not as far as we could possibly get from each other and still live on the same Continent.
But right now nothing matters but me and him and that we got another good solid month before I go back. I think spending the rest of it just like this would be nice but I'm sure whatever we end up doing'll be amazing too. Even if it's him working his ass off and me being there when he gets home.
Actually that sounds like the best thing ever to me.
Forever.
~~
Brand new season and with so many new guys, it was decided that team bonding was in order. Well, we get to golf too and to know our golf buddy a lot better while we do.
I'm not even surprised at all to get paired up with Adam. From the look on his face, neither is Adam. He manages a smile though, and keeps it until we're a few holes into the course. I can't resist trying to at least make it a little better.
"So... we need to work past this or something. It's nothing... anymore."
He snorts at that and I try again, this time asking if we can at least try and be friends.
"I don't usually make friends with guys who fuck my boyfriend." Adam's voice has an edge I don’t like to it.
I have no response to that that won't make him even angrier. Doesn’t matter he's on a roll now.
"You fucked my boyfriend when he was still my boyfriend, twice." He steps in closer to me.
"Once... the uh...." Yeah Trev the fact that it was just head the other time shouldn’t matter at this point. I don’t exactly back down but my body language is backing off like crazy.
"Right, he sucked your cock then fucked you and your boyfriend. Whoops, I messed up on the specifics, thank you for reminding me."
"Jesus Adam." I put my hands up and shake my head. "If you guys haven’t worked this shit out after all this time I think you got more to worry about then being angry at me."
I've never quite seen someone deflate before, but every single part of his body seems to slump and he sighs and waves his hand at me. "Lets skip this shit and go get a beer?"
That I can definitely do. We get in the cart and drive to the clubhouse. We might get in trouble or whatever but I don’t think either of us cares much. And a cold beer out on the patio goes down really fucking nice right now, so yeah.
"You're right you know." Adam sighs. "Its me and him and nothing to do with you, or Thomas."
I still don’t say anything to that and he grins at me a little.
"Okay, so you're smart enough not to talk back to a statement like that." He chuckles and shakes his head. "I don’t know what the hell is going on with me and him, not exactly. But either way I know you're not the reason for any of it. Okay?"
"Thank you." I grin when he does, chuckling at my answer. "Come on... this is the weirdest conversation I've ever had man!" I laugh. "I've had one boyfriend since I was eighteen..."
I don’t get anymore out because he interrupts and grills me about that. Okay, maybe it is weird to be this age and only have this much experience but clearly it happens. At any rate it breaks the ice and we end up talking for the whole afternoon.
No one says a word when we show up with the rest of the team.
~~
After that, things settled in pretty well. I don’t know about spending the rest of my career here or anything, but it’s a good bunch of guys. Practice today; I'm early... fuck, I'm always early. But I get the time out there on my own that I love, so the earlier morning is worth it.
Not like I have anything keeping me in bed here anyway.
I skate for a long time and head back to the locker room, shooting the shit and hanging out when the guys come, things getting more and more pumped as the game gets closer until finally we get out there for the pregame skate.
I love this too. Cause it's still just skating and us doing our thing but it's amplified, everyone is more keyed up for the game. It's awesome.
Except that Wilson is waiting for me when I come off the ice. He's got one of those coach looks on his face that you know something is wrong before he has to tell you anything. But he talks anyway. "Trev... you're not playing tonight and I can't tell you why."
Whoa. Okay, Ron likes to play jokes and all but... hi I'm dressed for the game and its in less than a half hour. I don’t think he's joking but I have to make sure. "Are you serious?"
"I'm serious Trev," He says, his face showing that he is more than his words. "Sorry."
"Fuck. Alright I'll change and whatever." Fuck, why isn't he telling me why? Something must be wrong.. no he'd tell me if something happened to Thomas or my family, or anything like that.
The guys don’t need to deal with this so I head off and find a room to change in, getting the trainer to get my clothes for me. I get all the way down to my skates, thinking about all the stuff this could be about, I didn’t miss curfew, or a meeting or anything.... oh fuck.
The trainer comes back and raises an eyebrow at me half dressed. "Uh Trev... what are you doing?"
"I think I just got traded." Even to me, my voice sounds strange. I just hope it's not further away than this, is all I can think right now.
"No, Trevor, there's no way." He shakes his head, but he hands me my clothes.
I get dressed and decided to try and find McPhee, if he's not coming to me at least I can go try and figure this out, or whatever. Doesn’t take me long to find him, he's on his way to me so we meet in the hallway. I duck into yet another room with him and sigh, the look on his face says it all.
He puts his hand on my shoulder and sighs, like this is hard for him, and I tell him to just let me have it, I can't take the drawing out anymore.
"Trev," He sighs and looks up to meet my eyes, looking sad that he has to tell me this, but there's something more there too. "You're going home." Now I get a smile from him.
"Oh my God." I think maybe I repeat that a few dozen times. I think I might even hug him a few times.
I think... fuck I don’t know what to think.
Forget what I said about hating trades.
I'm going home.
THE END
AUTHOR: Frala
E-MAIL: frala at hotmail dot com
DISTRIBUTION: Just at Perchance to Dream
DISCLAIMER: I neither claim any ownership to any of the characters aside from the ones I made up. And I'm not implying anything about any of the characters in real life. Its all fiction, none of it actually happened, I made it up.
AN: Thank you to Brenn, and AJ for the beta. Lyrics and title by Jann Arden. I want to thank everyone for all the support on this fic over the years, there's still lots to come. :) And special thanks for Angel or being so vocal. ;)
RATING: R, for language, slash.
CONTINUITY: This is part of the Happiness Is Not A Fish That You Can Catch series.
CHARACTERS: Trevor Linden, Thomas Morgan (oc), various Islanders, Canadiens, and Capitals from the time.
SUMMARY: Trevor spent the better part of three years in exile, playing for the Islanders, Canadiens, and Caps, this covers those years. Time line: 1998-2001.
Gonna ride ‘til I can’t even seem to remember
Who I was when I left and it don’t even matter
Gonna find some place where no one knows me
~~
~New York~ Feb 6, 1998 - May 29, 1999~
As much as I miss Vancouver, and miss Thomas even more, there's stuff about being here that I enjoy too. I can do anything here... like not a single person has recognized me away from the rink. I feel... as stupid as it sounds, kind of free.
I mean, I'm not going to trade being able to go totally anonymous for Thomas or anything, fuck I can so not move outside the rest of my life if it means I get him. Just so we're clear and all.
But you know, the guys here are pretty great. I'm rooming with this Brewer kid who's going to be a star one day. The team stuff... well yeah that's the easy part right?
It's the rest of it that's hard.
Waking up alone. Spending way more time on the phone than anyone ever should. Knowing he's getting off a marathon shift and not being there to rub his shoulders or just sit there while he does his best to gross me out about something or other... yeah that's the stuff I don't like.
I could just say him and be done with it I suppose, because that's the whole thing in a nutshell.
On the ice it's awesome. I just got named captain.
Fast.
They're kind of in a rebuilding, flailing around mode here I think. I like being captain again though; I can't even lie about that. Even if the whole meeting with Milbury was kind of strange. He called me in and ended up giving me the third degree about.. fuck about everything.
"So Trev... we want to make you Captain. You know you for McCabe, we're thinking we need to switch it up now with him gone and your record speaks for itself."
Almost doing it is better than not getting the chance I guess. But I nodded anyway and let him go on with the spiel. And I'd like to sound all ho hum about it but even though it was me giving up the C, I kind of had no choice and no one really fought me about it, and these guys want me to be... even if it’s an only choice kind of thing that felt good.
Mike had kept on talking, eventually moving on to asking about my family, his face looking a little less like he actually wanted to be shooting the breeze with me than when he was talking about business. Eventually the word wife got tossed around a few too many times and I knew I had to put a stop to it.
"I'm not married."
"Oh... you just say we a lot..."
Telling him I'm with Thomas came a little easier than it did telling Pat. Then again with so much experience it should. And you know I kind of had a surrogate father relationship with Pat and all.
Mike looked at me almost like he was considering his options of telling me to get the fuck out of his office but he shook his head and grinned at me instead. "Kid, if it means you aren't gonna be fucking my daughter, I don't give a fuck."
I think that kind of sums up the frame of mind he was in at that point. I was safe in more ways than one.
~~
It's Thomas' birthday tonight. His thirtieth. Big party at our place. All our friends and family all having a blast out on the deck, drinking, eating, celebrating.
At least I assume that's what’s going on.
Oh yeah, because I'm sitting in a hotel room in Detroit listening to Brew talk on the phone with his Mom.
As soon as he's done he smiles sheepishly at me, and gives me the phone, saying he'll leave me alone. He really is a great kid. Nice and quiet and steady somehow, he kind of reminds me of me at his age. I'd already been with Thomas for two years at that point.
Damn. So weird to think we've made it through ten years. I can still remember perfectly that morning I met him at House's place. He knocked me on my ass with how gorgeous he was. Fuck, he still does.
There's a lot of noise at my place and predictably Ronnie answers the phone, hollering at me until he goes somewhere a little more quiet. He's a little bit drunk and fun but you know I didn’t actually call for him. And he knows it, a few seconds later I hear Thomas's voice saying my name.
There's been a lot of talk about him maybe moving here. Especially in the last while since they made me captain. But there's... there's too many what ifs, and he has a contract there now. I mean it'd be pretty easy to break it, but he's finally where he worked so hard to be. The exact hospital, his mentor works there, his project is going so well; it's not right for him to pack all that in and move on.
Aside from his regular spinal work with kids, he's involved in casting clinics and doing work with kids from the places that sit in my box at games, well used to sit in it. Okay m'still paying for it but whatever I don’t even want him to give up everything he worked so hard for. No matter how much I miss the hell out of him and vice versa.
A badly sung version of happy birthday has us both nearly giggling and Thomas stays quiet for a bit. "I miss the hell out of you Trev."
"I know baby, same here."
And then there's silence. But not cause its awkward or anything, there's just nothing to say after that, we both know it. Somehow listening to him breathe and shift a little is still calming and soothing for me though, if I close my eyes I can picture him all tired from a shift, taking off his glasses and laying them on the nightstand, sliding into bed with me breathing exactly that same way.
Fuck.
"Trev..."
I swallow hard and open my eyes, forcing the images way. "Yeah baby?"
"You'll be back here in a week and a half you know?" His voice is calm and soothing and as always he's saying exactly the right thing to not let either of us get all caught up in self pity or anything else we shouldn’t be doing.
"I know.... I just wish I was there tonight."
"Me too." Thomas' voice isn’t much different than mine. "We'll have our own party when you come back though Trev, more fun than with everyone around anyway."
"Don't use your doctor 'everything is going to be okay' voice on me..." We're both cracking up now. I can hear the bed squeak and Thomas get up to answer the door.
"It's time for cake... Ronnie says he's sorry you're not here too, and also that he's sorry for eavesdropping. Oh no, that he's not sorry for eavesdropping." Thomas's voice changes and I can hear a muffled struggle then Ronnie comes on the line and says hi to me before the door closes again.
"You should go babe."
"I know." Thomas's answer is no more convincing than my suggestion was. But he really should go. "I love you."
"I love you too." And miss you, and wish every fucking second I'm here that you were too. "Call me before you go to bed."
"I will... Trev?" Thomas sounds a little like he's saying words in his head that neither of us really has to say out loud.
"Yeah?"
"It'll be a short week and a half, I promise." There's that doctor voice again. Even though I tease him about using it, it really does make it all seem better.
"I know."
~~
We had two days back home before the game against the Canucks. And aside from the massive amounts of sex me and Thomas have had, we've spent, even for us, a crazy amount of time talking. Like I thought we'd talked through all this stuff before I left, but now that we know what its going to be like... I dunno its not exactly easier to face leaving this time but I feel like I have a better handle on how to do it, even though that doesn’t make much sense.
He's in the stands tonight. So is everyone in my big extended family here. I'm a little nervous... okay I'm a little bit more than a little bit nervous. I know it's just another game and blah blah blah but it's not. I've been pacing back and forth here listening to the crowd and the oh so familiar noises... okay I can do this.
Even before I get on the ice I can hear it, a quick peek up and I see my face on the screen and the crowd roars even louder when I smile and step onto the ice. It doesn’t really go away until after the skate is over and I think... I'm a little less nervous for the game to start. Yeah no.
As soon as I get back out there there's another cheer, only it seems to go on for longer than before and when I look up there's a still picture of me up there... and a video starts. Damn. I didn’t expect... and m'not sure I want this at all.
But I get through it, with a few discreet eye rubs and stuff. By the time I'm back out on the ice again and they're still cheering I can barely keep it all in and I end up full on crying on the bench. Jesus, I knew I'd be emotional but this is so much more.
The rest of the game is a blur. Gino fights with someone... I dunno. I just need to get back to the room and see Thomas again.
He's there waiting for me as soon as I'm out of the shower. The ton of other people just stick around long enough to say goodbye and leave. They all saw me enough and know that this last night is just for me and Thomas. Just a few introductions and we're heading home.
Home.
I love saying that and actually going to my house. I love even more that I get to go there with Thomas, even if it is just for one more night. I don’t want to think about having to face the morning so we don't, we drive home and hold hands and kiss and make out like we did when we were first dating.
Ending up in our room with our clothes tossed all over the place like we can't wait to get our hands on each other. Okay, we really can't wait for that. At least I can't. The look on Thomas's face is pretty much like he can't either.
So we don't waste any of the night, waking up thoroughly exhausted and happy the next morning. And then pick right back up until it's time for him to go to work. Hell, we even make out in the parking lot a little like we used to when we were kids and I was dropping him off at school.
Stuff was so much more simple then.
But it's better now.
~~
~Montreal~ May 29, 1999 - Mar 13, 2001~
Wow. I didn’t ask for this, or you know really want it. But I'm back in Canada... I'm in fucking Montreal for god sake, the centre of hockey! How am I going to complain about that?
I'm sure as hell not, that's how.
Things in New York might not have been ideal but after the season ended and I went back home and me and Thomas got reacquainted, I could look back and see all the good things that came out of it. I'd still rather be home but there's worse things than being there, or here for sure.
It was weird readjusting to being home though. I got used to it being more quiet, being just me and all of a sudden there was Thomas around... as much as he is. It wasn’t him I had to get used to again it was the whole extended family in and out and everywhere. I think I kind of made myself forget how much I missed that too.
Summer was, like it always is awesome. Thomas is awesome... yeah I had no complaints about that either at all. Back to Long Island and another season away didn’t seem like it would be nearly as hard as it was the previous year.
And I guess I was right since now I'm here, and things seem like they're going to be even better here. I hated saying goodbye to Gino again; you don’t meet many people over your life like him. Unless you're ridiculously lucky, and I kind of feel that way already just to know him. Met up with a cousin of his to try and help me out here and ended up with an apartment and being introduced around the neighbourhood all within like five minutes it seemed like.
The team is pretty great too. A bunch of guys have invited me over and helped me to settle in as well, I think I really don’t have a lot to complain about being here.
I wish I spoke French beyond what I used to read on the back of the cereal box and other assorted food though. I took it in school but yeah the cereal box reading stuck more than school ever did.
Still despite the odd communication problem, I really like it here. I mean the hockey stuff is cool, it always is, but I like being... I dunno I'm not really closer to home, but it feels like it somehow though, yeah I can't really explain it but it just does.
~~
I think one of my favourite things about being here has been getting to know Saku. I've been blessed with so many awesome friends in my life and already he's in there deep as deep as any of them. You know you just meet someone and click as quick as you could snap your fingers? It was exactly like that.
Took one afternoon of him teasing me about coming in to steal the captaincy from him and be assuring him over and over until he finally gave in and admitted he was razzing me and we were good to go. He's been awesome.
Even Thomas likes him. Somehow. I don’t know how and I'm not sure I want to know, he got a full week off and is out here with me. Saku's girl loves him... ha, I know I'm horribly biased and I think everyone loves him but... whatever she does.
It's been a great visit. Maybe not as much freedom as we had on Long Island but it's nice. We maybe haven’t spent much time outdoors anyway. Thomas is out now though, with Saku... yeah I have no idea what they're doing but I'm meeting them for lunch after practice, since Saku got free of it today.
They're waiting for me at home though, I can hear giggling in the living room of the apartment when I get there. Something about Saku I guess, just inspires this close bond right off the bat. They're both sitting on the couch, Thomas's arm around Saku's shoulder, both of them drinking wine and laughing so hard they're wiping tears from their eyes.
If I was the jealous type.... yeah but I'm not.
Thomas pops up first and kisses me long and slow, whispering that he's happy to see me against my lips in a way that even if I was the jealous type, it'd pretty much disappear right then. Saku stands too and takes a step like he's thinking about kissing me then winks and punches me in the shoulder instead before sitting back down and getting me some wine.
There's a pretty good view of the city here and we don’t waste it. Even though it's cold we end up eating out there, take out Chinese, teasing about chopsticks and laughing until well after it's dark and we walk Saku down for his cab.
He jokes about walking home but there's no way I'm not making sure he gets there safe. Me and Thomas end up riding to his place with him. We're all just as drunk I have no idea why we thought we could be of any kind of help to him but the three of us get to his place. And promptly get invited in. Yeah... maybe that was the motivation behind it in the first place.
Homemade cookies and strong coffee works. All four of us now spend half the night talking and we sleep in the spare room. Later on lying in bed I can't help think that I'd love it here no matter what but finding someone who's this good of a friend... yeah it makes it even better.
Doesn’t hurt that while I'm thinking this Thomas is all curled up against me.
That pretty much makes everything amazing.
~~
I hate sitting in airports. I mean I hate it full stop from point a to point b so you better believe I hate it even more when its point a stopping in point b while you wait to go to point c.
We're in Dallas, waiting to go to Raleigh and I'm bored out of my mind. I've called Thomas and left a message and my brothers, and his brother and yeah, I'm running out of people. It's harder to get hold of Ronnie since he retired than it ever was when he was playing.
He's setting up a restaurant in Calgary and having a blast doing it all. They're all busy, even my Mom, and you know when you call your Mom and she has stuff going on that you're pretty damn bored. And possibly a little pathetic, but whatever, even the usual things the guys get up to when we have to sit for too long aren’t doing it for me today.
My agent springs out at me on my phone list and I dial him up expecting to get a message, but surprise he answers. Okay, so talking about Tkachuk isn’t exactly a great way to spend an afternoon but you know it's not horrible or anything either.
And then he puts me on hold.
I take it back, we can talk about Tkachuk all fucking day if it means the time is going to go faster here. He's gone for just a few seconds though, his voice half distracted and half amused as he tells me he sees a trade for us come across.
Damn... I haven’t seen management down around us, and no one is missing. I wonder who it could be while he reads and then splutters into the phone. "Holy Cow Trev... you just got traded."
"What?"
Whoops, I think maybe I screamed that cause everyone looks at me. My face is already pretty flushed but it gets more when Coach gestures for me to come over.
Yeah. A short conversation with him later and a promise that my gear is going to get transferred when they land and I have new plane tickets and I'm looking to find a new address.
I get to talk to the guys a while more, suddenly it all doesn’t seem so boring being with them anymore. Me and Saku end up in a quiet corner and talking for as long as we can before we hug goodbye. This time I do get a kiss, just a little one on my cheek. I hate goodbye.
I hate this.
Every time it's happened I have.
Maybe at least I'll stick around in Washington.
~~
~Washington~ Mar 13, 2001- Nov 10, 2001~
So starting all over again with introductions... to most everyone. I uh, guess I don’t need much of an introduction to Adam. Jesus, not that this has been awkward or anything. We get through it though. And the last few games of my season went off pretty well and I get to go home for the summer.
Every time Thomas has a few days off we go somewhere. Nowhere huge, Calgary, Red Deer, we built a cabin in Montana few years back and go there sometimes. Nice and relaxing... and no one around for as far as you can walk mostly.
I think that's my favourite part. As much as I love our family and our extended family, I love just getting him to myself. And if part of getting him to myself is sitting by a campfire all snuggled up while soft music plays in the background then that’s all the better.
And if there's making out involved, sign me up.
Yeah I think I signed up for that a long time ago. Seems kind of unreal to me sometimes that it's been almost thirteen years already. I never thought it would end up like this, even after we got together I wasn’t too sure about it being forever. But I am now.
I just hope I stick around somewhere long enough that we can look into him coming too maybe, or I end up somewhere that's not as far as we could possibly get from each other and still live on the same Continent.
But right now nothing matters but me and him and that we got another good solid month before I go back. I think spending the rest of it just like this would be nice but I'm sure whatever we end up doing'll be amazing too. Even if it's him working his ass off and me being there when he gets home.
Actually that sounds like the best thing ever to me.
Forever.
~~
Brand new season and with so many new guys, it was decided that team bonding was in order. Well, we get to golf too and to know our golf buddy a lot better while we do.
I'm not even surprised at all to get paired up with Adam. From the look on his face, neither is Adam. He manages a smile though, and keeps it until we're a few holes into the course. I can't resist trying to at least make it a little better.
"So... we need to work past this or something. It's nothing... anymore."
He snorts at that and I try again, this time asking if we can at least try and be friends.
"I don't usually make friends with guys who fuck my boyfriend." Adam's voice has an edge I don’t like to it.
I have no response to that that won't make him even angrier. Doesn’t matter he's on a roll now.
"You fucked my boyfriend when he was still my boyfriend, twice." He steps in closer to me.
"Once... the uh...." Yeah Trev the fact that it was just head the other time shouldn’t matter at this point. I don’t exactly back down but my body language is backing off like crazy.
"Right, he sucked your cock then fucked you and your boyfriend. Whoops, I messed up on the specifics, thank you for reminding me."
"Jesus Adam." I put my hands up and shake my head. "If you guys haven’t worked this shit out after all this time I think you got more to worry about then being angry at me."
I've never quite seen someone deflate before, but every single part of his body seems to slump and he sighs and waves his hand at me. "Lets skip this shit and go get a beer?"
That I can definitely do. We get in the cart and drive to the clubhouse. We might get in trouble or whatever but I don’t think either of us cares much. And a cold beer out on the patio goes down really fucking nice right now, so yeah.
"You're right you know." Adam sighs. "Its me and him and nothing to do with you, or Thomas."
I still don’t say anything to that and he grins at me a little.
"Okay, so you're smart enough not to talk back to a statement like that." He chuckles and shakes his head. "I don’t know what the hell is going on with me and him, not exactly. But either way I know you're not the reason for any of it. Okay?"
"Thank you." I grin when he does, chuckling at my answer. "Come on... this is the weirdest conversation I've ever had man!" I laugh. "I've had one boyfriend since I was eighteen..."
I don’t get anymore out because he interrupts and grills me about that. Okay, maybe it is weird to be this age and only have this much experience but clearly it happens. At any rate it breaks the ice and we end up talking for the whole afternoon.
No one says a word when we show up with the rest of the team.
~~
After that, things settled in pretty well. I don’t know about spending the rest of my career here or anything, but it’s a good bunch of guys. Practice today; I'm early... fuck, I'm always early. But I get the time out there on my own that I love, so the earlier morning is worth it.
Not like I have anything keeping me in bed here anyway.
I skate for a long time and head back to the locker room, shooting the shit and hanging out when the guys come, things getting more and more pumped as the game gets closer until finally we get out there for the pregame skate.
I love this too. Cause it's still just skating and us doing our thing but it's amplified, everyone is more keyed up for the game. It's awesome.
Except that Wilson is waiting for me when I come off the ice. He's got one of those coach looks on his face that you know something is wrong before he has to tell you anything. But he talks anyway. "Trev... you're not playing tonight and I can't tell you why."
Whoa. Okay, Ron likes to play jokes and all but... hi I'm dressed for the game and its in less than a half hour. I don’t think he's joking but I have to make sure. "Are you serious?"
"I'm serious Trev," He says, his face showing that he is more than his words. "Sorry."
"Fuck. Alright I'll change and whatever." Fuck, why isn't he telling me why? Something must be wrong.. no he'd tell me if something happened to Thomas or my family, or anything like that.
The guys don’t need to deal with this so I head off and find a room to change in, getting the trainer to get my clothes for me. I get all the way down to my skates, thinking about all the stuff this could be about, I didn’t miss curfew, or a meeting or anything.... oh fuck.
The trainer comes back and raises an eyebrow at me half dressed. "Uh Trev... what are you doing?"
"I think I just got traded." Even to me, my voice sounds strange. I just hope it's not further away than this, is all I can think right now.
"No, Trevor, there's no way." He shakes his head, but he hands me my clothes.
I get dressed and decided to try and find McPhee, if he's not coming to me at least I can go try and figure this out, or whatever. Doesn’t take me long to find him, he's on his way to me so we meet in the hallway. I duck into yet another room with him and sigh, the look on his face says it all.
He puts his hand on my shoulder and sighs, like this is hard for him, and I tell him to just let me have it, I can't take the drawing out anymore.
"Trev," He sighs and looks up to meet my eyes, looking sad that he has to tell me this, but there's something more there too. "You're going home." Now I get a smile from him.
"Oh my God." I think maybe I repeat that a few dozen times. I think I might even hug him a few times.
I think... fuck I don’t know what to think.
Forget what I said about hating trades.
I'm going home.
THE END
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-10-08 06:04 pm (UTC)And I love the name of the series! Did you get it from the name of the Our Lady Peace CD???
no subject
Date: 2006-10-08 06:16 pm (UTC)and I totally did :)
no subject
Date: 2006-10-08 06:26 pm (UTC)They're my favourite band :)
no subject
Date: 2006-10-08 06:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-08 06:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-08 06:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-08 07:32 pm (UTC)*snuggles with trev and thomas*
no subject
Date: 2006-10-08 07:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-08 07:33 pm (UTC)ZOMG! *reads tiwce more while trying to stir 549053893859 pots and cook thanksgiving dinner*
*jumps* I scream, like literally *SCREAMED* at the top of my lungs when I saw this.
*sobs* He's Home!!
Although I do have one question: becuase I know that Mark used Trevor/Thomas in his series, there is a scene where Trevor admits to cheating on Thomas while he was away (long island I think, but I can't remember exactly which of the cities) Is this going to be part of your series? or are we just going to pretend that they're not Cannon Trevor/Thomas
*licks*
but yea seriously you just made the crappies day/weekedn 429058937597275203 times better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no subject
Date: 2006-10-08 07:42 pm (UTC)ahhhh *g*
no he just used thomas its SO NOT canon trevor and thomas *nods* just for his fic :)
thak you so much for all the fb and liking of this *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2006-10-08 08:35 pm (UTC)Ohh gooood!! I sat there though the whole fic and was like "OMG! maybe it's Saku!, Omg! maybe it's Adam! OMG!!!!!"
I only like and FB the best and ZOMG! this is the BEST!!!!!!!!
*loves*
no subject
Date: 2006-10-08 08:40 pm (UTC)no way! *nods*
aww thank you so much!!
no subject
Date: 2006-10-08 07:51 pm (UTC)*giggle*
*sniffle* The fact that he's missing the milestone of Thomas' 30th is even sadder cos' it's like, they both have such great, supportive families and it's really wonderful when they're all together.
"Don't use your doctor 'everything is going to be okay' voice on me..."
Aww, Dr. Thomas, for real!
"It's time for cake... Ronnie says he's sorry you're not here too, and also that he's sorry for eavesdropping. Oh no, that he's not sorry for eavesdropping."
Ahahahahaha!
*cries* Trevor getting a warm welcome in his first game back, and then him crying on the bench, ahhhhhhh!!! And it really happened, didn't it? :)
Stuff was so much more simple then.
But it's better now.
Ahh dude, because they've grown and stuff and they have history and... *cries*
I wish I spoke French beyond what I used to read on the back of the cereal box and other assorted food though. I took it in school but yeah the cereal box reading stuck more than school ever did.
Hee, as long as he doesn't go hungry, which the most important thing for him. :P
I mean I hate it full stop from point a to point b so you better believe I hate it even more when its point a stopping in point b while you wait to go to point c.
*giggle* I like that.
Okay. so talking about Tkachuk isn’t exactly a great way to spend an afternoon but you know its not horrible or anything either.
Muahahaha! Walt!
I uh, guess I don’t need much of an introduction to Adam. Jesus, not that this has been awkward or anything.
Oh dude, they were there at the same time? That's so weird! So many connections.
Forget what I said about hating trades.
I'm going home.
Dude, it's crazy how much he moved around in a relatively short amount of time. And like, it must be so hard, getting to know a new team, earning their trust, settling in a little bit, and then you have to do it all over again.
But at least he got the chance to go home eventually. I think I mentioned this to you before, but Drew was talking about how Selanne looked right in a Ducks jersey, and he didn't anywhere else, and he said there were some guys who were just like that, like Trevor Linden in a Canucks jersey.
Ahhh. *loves*
no subject
Date: 2006-10-08 08:39 pm (UTC)- I had that fucking my daughter line written for years lol
*sniffle* The fact that he's missing the milestone of Thomas' 30th is even sadder cos' it's like, they both have such great, supportive families and it's really wonderful when they're all together.
- YES! if it was any other birtthday it wouldnt be as bad somehow *pets them*
Aww, Dr. Thomas, for real!
- haha yes!!
Ahahahahaha!
- ronnie is evilish hehehe
*cries* Trevor getting a warm welcome in his first game back, and then him crying on the bench, ahhhhhhh!!! And it really happened, didn't it? :)
- IT SO really happened he cried like a mofo on the bench *weeps* the conversation with mcphee really happened too at the end
Ahh dude, because they've grown and stuff and they have history and... *cries*
- exactly *pets them* ahhhh
Hee, as long as he doesn't go hungry, which the most important thing for him. :P
- hahaha absolutely!
*giggle* I like that.
- not that ive flown a lot or anything ;)
Muahahaha! Walt!
- *giggles* that part really happened like that too they were talking about him and hs agent was like hey your team made a trade.. whoa they traded you!
Oh dude, they were there at the same time?
That's so weird! So many connections.
- SO MANY! *g* yeah they beat up mario together ;p
I'm going home.
Dude, it's crazy how much he moved around in a relatively short amount of time. And like, it must be so hard, getting to know a new team, earning their trust, settling in a little bit, and then you have to do it all over again.
-- no kidding expecially after living your whole pro life in one place for so long
But at least he got the chance to go home eventually. I think I mentioned this to you before, but Drew was talking about how Selanne looked right in a Ducks jersey, and he didn't anywhere else, and he said there were some guys who were just like that, like Trevor Linden in a Canucks jersey.
- YES! its exactly like that and its so damn true
Ahhh. *loves*
- *love8 thank you so much
no subject
Date: 2008-09-09 08:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-09 08:42 pm (UTC)