2minsforslashing | Fic: Confession (Part 1/4?) (Reply)

Title: Part 1 of 4(?): Confession
A/N: I didn't mean to hurt Nicky! I promise! This is unedited, so if you notice any mistakes, tell me. This is my first try at a longer fic (I usually write short one shots), so please comment and give feedback! Thank you!
Author: BrylinMoyGyeroy
Pairing: Alexander Ovechkin/Sidney Crosby, Nicklas Backstrom
Rating: PG
Summary: Alex's POV. Alex thinks he's fallen in love with Sidney, and ends up breaking Nicklas' heart.
Disclaimer: not true, and I don't own anyone.

There was just something about those dark eyes that captured me. Something about his voice, his character, his soul that completely and utterly entranced me. When we talked, I was at ease, loving every moment, feeling such a strong connection to his heart, and when we were silent together, I simply stood content, at peace in his presence. It was a feeling that I hadn’t experienced until I met him, the feeling of being entirely comfortable around someone, the feeling that no matter what I said, in no matter what language, be it Russian, English, or a nonsensical mixture of both, he would understand my every word and every emotion behind them. I was in love with my rival.

It had been troubling me for so long. Not because I was ashamed, but because I was afraid. Afraid that he knew my feelings, which was more than likely, and that he didn’t feel the same. My deep attachment to him was unlike anything I had ever felt before, and I loved the feeling. I wanted to tell him, to explain that I thought we were soul mates, but rejection scared me more than anything else. I’m Alex Ovechkin. I won’t be denied. But if he were to deny me, what could I do about it? Force him to love me? I couldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t force him to do anything. The only way to avoid that denial was to avoid the question altogether, to not even tell him. I kept it inside me, letting it gnaw at me from the inside out.

The only problem with this strategy was that I couldn’t keep quiet forever. This realization wouldn’t leave my mind as I sat by my fireplace one cold evening, thinking of him. It was very late, and Nicklas and Sasha were over, where I did not know. It wasn’t a very lively evening; we really had just wanted to be in each other’s company. I needed to tell someone. I needed to talk to Nicklas. I trusted him the most of anyone, my Swedish angel.

I crept through the hallways, making note of the unusual silence, hoping my two friends weren’t already asleep. There was a loneliness in my heart then that wouldn’t be quelled unless I talked with someone, let someone in on the secrets of my mind.

Walking by the porch, I caught a glimpse of blond curls in the moonlight through the window. Was Nicky outside? He hated the cold. Why…?

I slid the door open and stepped outside, quietly shutting it behind me. He was indeed there, knees tucked up on the chair, cheeks rosy from the cold. His eyes were staring up at the sky, although I’m almost positive he wasn’t stargazing. He was deep in thought, as I had been moments earlier. My friend took no notice of me.

“Backie, I need to talk to you,” I said quietly.

He blinked as my words brought him back to reality, and he looked up at me and smiled. His gentle hands grasped mine and he pulled me down into the chair beside him, still not letting my fingers go.

“Anytime, Alex. You know I always listen.”

I sighed, feeling how tenderly he held my fingers, seeing his eyes when he looked at me. Something I had never noticed before…maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

“Ah, Nicklas…maybe I shouldn’t.”

“No. Tell me.”

I hesitated.

“Talk to me.”

“Why are you out here?”

“I’m thinking.”

“You’re really cold.”

“I’m alright.”

Silence followed, but his eyes were still focused on me, waiting for me to speak.

“Alex, talk to me, buddy.”

His words were quiet, and I sighed deeply. Yes. It was true. I knew that look in his eyes.

“I…I think I am in love…”

As I said the words, a spark of disappointment appeared in his blue spheres, although I think he was expecting it.

“With Sidney,” he completed for me, sighing. He knew me so well.

“Yes.”

He stared at me, hardly blinking. I saw that his face looked heartbroken. Oh, Nicklas…

“I-I feel like we’re the same person…” I began, stuttering. I didn’t want to hurt him, but he would never let me leave if I didn’t tell him everything. He still hadn’t let go of my fingers, but I couldn’t help but notice that he was holding me tighter now. “He understands every word I say…I just feel alive when he’s near me…”

I let my thoughts pour out at the quiet Swede, and he listened carefully to everything, nodding at my assertions and feelings. The longing in his eyes as he watched me speak almost made me cry. He loved me, and it wasn’t until just then that I saw it plainly, and there I was spilling my heart out to him and breaking his into little pieces with every word I spoke. There I was pretending to be oblivious to his feelings for me. How had I never noticed this before? I could have kicked myself. But I had to tell him.

“I understand, Alex,” he whispered quietly, his fingers loosening around mine. But they tightened again as he sighed deeply.

“I think…I think you should go get him. You need to tell him. You deserve each other. You two are both perfect.”

Those truthful eyes stared into mine. I felt like crying. Sid and I were perfect? As far as I was concerned, the only perfect thing in the entire world was sitting next to me, dejected but supportive, and ah, I knew I was breaking his sweet heart.

“Nicklas, I love you so much,” I said, pulling him into a tight embrace. “You’re the best friend anyone could ever ask for.”

He said nothing, but lay his head against my shoulder. I felt him shaking, and I knew he was trying hard not to cry. Without succeeding, I realized, as I heard a muffled sniffle. Oh, my angel, please don’t cry. I love you, I do.

I held him quietly, shushing him as someone would a baby. He calmed down eventually, and it wasn’t long before I realized he had fallen asleep. I gently picked him up and brought him into my room, where Sasha was already fast asleep on my bed. I tucked Nicklas next to him, neither waking as I lay him down, and pulled Sasha’s limp arm over Nicky so as to make sure he wouldn’t get cold. I loved them both so dearly.

Sitting by the fire again, I began once more to think of Sidney. I was going to tell him. Tomorrow, I told myself. Tomorrow I was going to Pittsburgh, and I was going to tell him.

But Nicklas would not leave my thoughts. I suppose that I had been constantly too wrapped up in thoughts of Sidney to notice that the young man loved me…poor baby. I was so blind. Had I noticed earlier, I’d have told Sasha…

Suddenly, I was very, very lonely. The fire had died down, and I felt empty and alone on the couch. Perhaps there was room for me in my bed. It was my bed after all. I needed my two friends next to me…

As I approached the door, I heard Nicklas’s voice on the other side. I guess he'd woken up. Talking to Sasha. Crying.

“I love him, Sasha. I do…”

There was a long pause and I heard him draw in a deep breath, Sasha whispering to him soothingly.

“But I know that he and Sidney are perfect for each other. So I’m happy for him.”

Sasha’s voice, soft and calm, spoke out.

“Nicklas, it’s alright, baby.”

“Yes…it is…”

There was a small silence, and then the sound of dry sobs.

“No…no…no it’s not…”

I turned away from the door, biting my lip.

Oh, God. I had broken his heart.