Awesome! SOMEONE WROTE KOLZIG/VECHKI BESIDES ME. :o This makes me love this even more!!
But I do have some concrit (just some simple mistakes to fix-)
I smiled and stood up, pulling Ales with me --- should be Alex Before I could even open my mouth Alex, kept going, --- take the comma out after 'Alex' But before I could help him out, he was kissing his was down my chest, --- kissing his way down my chest I realized while all of this hds happened, --- all of this had? Alex hasdalready undone the buttons on my jeans and was pulling down my pants…way to slow for my likening Alex has already; way too slow for my liking He took my boxers down too and suddenly, I wasstanding there naked. I was standing there
It's nothing against you, this was phenominal --- but the grammar/spelling mistakes take away from it.
Other then that --- YAY! SOMEONE WROTE AWESOME OLIE/VECHKI SMUT!
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Hope you don't mind constructive critique!
Date: 2008-03-18 09:01 pm (UTC)But I do have some concrit (just some simple mistakes to fix-)
I smiled and stood up, pulling Ales with me --- should be Alex
Before I could even open my mouth Alex, kept going, --- take the comma out after 'Alex'
But before I could help him out, he was kissing his was down my chest, --- kissing his way down my chest
I realized while all of this hds happened, --- all of this had?
Alex hasdalready undone the buttons on my jeans and was pulling down my pants…way to slow for my likening Alex has already; way too slow for my liking
He took my boxers down too and suddenly, I wasstanding there naked. I was standing there
It's nothing against you, this was phenominal --- but the grammar/spelling mistakes take away from it.
Other then that --- YAY! SOMEONE WROTE AWESOME OLIE/VECHKI SMUT!