Back to You
Oct. 16th, 2007 07:43 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
holdeverysong.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
2minsforslashingTitle: Back to You
Fandom: NHL > Boston Bruins
Characters: Glen Murray/Marc Savard, PJ Axelsson, Tim Thomas
Word Count: 957
Rating: PG13.
Leave the light on,
I'll never give up on you.
Leave the light on
for me too.
I think I was the only one awake on the whole plane. But I really hadn't slept much over the past few days, which...who could blame me? He wouldn't even talk to me. I'd sought him out, after the win against the Sharks, which despite the rest of the team earning the W, was a failure of epic proportions for Glen and I. Or, at least for me. But he wouldn't talk to me. And he was half of what made my game so damned good. I leaned my head back against the seat I was in and stared out the window. We were probably going to be so off for the next couple of games and I had no one to blame but myself. Or, what if it was more than a couple of games? What if I became another statistic in the 'Glen Murray romance game?' God, that sounded awful. I sounded like I was insulting Glen, but I wasn't. I was just...afraid that I'd fucked up.
I looked out the window at the clouds as we soared over them, and felt a tap on my shoulder. And I turned my head toward where I knew PJ was sitting. “Your thoughts are so loud they're keeping me awake, Savvy. What's up?” he asked in his lighthearted Swedish accent.
I wished sometimes that I had things as simply as he did. He didn't have a beautiful disaster like Glen Murray in his life. I sighed. The more I thought, the more it sounded like I was insulting Glen, and I hated it. I looked at Peej and shrugged a shoulder. “Sorry. I don't mean to, man. I just...” I sighed. I didn't need to bother Peej with this. He needed to sleep. Not everyone was like me and spent entire plane rides thinking about how...fucked up their love life was. “I'll...um...I'll try and get some sleep.”
PJ shrugged. “Well, if that's what you want, but...I'll listen if you need to talk...” he offered. I half-smiled. PJ was a good friend. “I mean, that was kind of what I meant by offering a listening ear in the first place...” he teased.
I bit my lip. PJ knew. There was no way that he didn't know that Glen and I were...a thing. Because he'd seen us together on a couple different occasions. So, why the hell not just act natural. “Glen walked out...” I said simply, looking toward the front of the plane, where Glen sat with Timmy. Well, he was having no trouble falling asleep. Didn't that make me feel important. I looked at PJ, who was looking at me expectantly. What more was there to say? Well, a lot, actually. I glanced back at PJ. “He walked out after I told him that I love him. Must have decided that he doesn't love me too...” I bit my lip, then quickly added, “not that I think there was much deciding involved.”
A look of thought crossed PJ's face, and he shrugged a shoulder. I liked that he took the whole 'Glen and I' thing without even missing a beat, or acting like he didn't know. It was good that he didn't want me to explain too much. “I don't know, Marc. I don't think it's that cut and dry. Did you talk to him? I mean...” he paused, seemingly searching for the right words. Sometimes, with how well PJ did with his English, it was hard to remember that he wasn't from the States or Canada natively. “Glen's had a lot...”
“I know,” I cut him off, wondering if he'd get mad, but then I realized that it was PJ I was dealing with here, and that he didn't get mad. Ever. “I know what he's been through, but that makes me wonder if he's ever going to be willing to just...” I paused and searched my head for what I was trying to say, “willing to just be with me, you know? Willing to just let me love him and like...show him that I'm not like the others...” I told PJ, trying not to get too frustrated. But it was hard. “I'm willing to elevate myself higher professionally, not just for the team, but for him. Because if both of us look good? We both get to stick around and...”
PJ nodded, and I was thankful for that because I would have kept talking in circles. “I understand that, Marc, I do. But...if you haven't tried to talk to him about it, since it happened? How are you different from all the others?” he asked calmly, and looked to the front of the plane.
God. He was right. Had Joe so much as shown an inkling of concern as to how Glen felt? Or that he needed to feel like he was actually loved? No. Hearing it wasn't enough, and I'd be damned if I was going to be another Joe Thornton. I followed his eyes to see that Glen was awake now, and he and Timmy were talking, too. I bit my lip and nodded my head. “You're right...” I said softly. “Should I...talk to him now?” I asked. PJ had already done so much, but asking him for help had gotten me this far. And when he nodded, I bit my lip again and stood up. God, what if this blew up in my face? I slid past PJ and headed toward the front of the plane, where Timmy and Glen were sitting. “Hey, Timmy? Uh...” I paused. I had to laugh, because it sounded so ridiculously childish. I cleared my throat. “Can you...go sit with Peej for a little bit?”
I'm so good at forgetting.
And I lose every game I play.
But forgive me love, I can't turn and walk away
this way.
Fandom: NHL > Boston Bruins
Characters: Glen Murray/Marc Savard, PJ Axelsson, Tim Thomas
Word Count: 957
Rating: PG13.
I'll never give up on you.
Leave the light on
for me too.
I think I was the only one awake on the whole plane. But I really hadn't slept much over the past few days, which...who could blame me? He wouldn't even talk to me. I'd sought him out, after the win against the Sharks, which despite the rest of the team earning the W, was a failure of epic proportions for Glen and I. Or, at least for me. But he wouldn't talk to me. And he was half of what made my game so damned good. I leaned my head back against the seat I was in and stared out the window. We were probably going to be so off for the next couple of games and I had no one to blame but myself. Or, what if it was more than a couple of games? What if I became another statistic in the 'Glen Murray romance game?' God, that sounded awful. I sounded like I was insulting Glen, but I wasn't. I was just...afraid that I'd fucked up.
I looked out the window at the clouds as we soared over them, and felt a tap on my shoulder. And I turned my head toward where I knew PJ was sitting. “Your thoughts are so loud they're keeping me awake, Savvy. What's up?” he asked in his lighthearted Swedish accent.
I wished sometimes that I had things as simply as he did. He didn't have a beautiful disaster like Glen Murray in his life. I sighed. The more I thought, the more it sounded like I was insulting Glen, and I hated it. I looked at Peej and shrugged a shoulder. “Sorry. I don't mean to, man. I just...” I sighed. I didn't need to bother Peej with this. He needed to sleep. Not everyone was like me and spent entire plane rides thinking about how...fucked up their love life was. “I'll...um...I'll try and get some sleep.”
PJ shrugged. “Well, if that's what you want, but...I'll listen if you need to talk...” he offered. I half-smiled. PJ was a good friend. “I mean, that was kind of what I meant by offering a listening ear in the first place...” he teased.
I bit my lip. PJ knew. There was no way that he didn't know that Glen and I were...a thing. Because he'd seen us together on a couple different occasions. So, why the hell not just act natural. “Glen walked out...” I said simply, looking toward the front of the plane, where Glen sat with Timmy. Well, he was having no trouble falling asleep. Didn't that make me feel important. I looked at PJ, who was looking at me expectantly. What more was there to say? Well, a lot, actually. I glanced back at PJ. “He walked out after I told him that I love him. Must have decided that he doesn't love me too...” I bit my lip, then quickly added, “not that I think there was much deciding involved.”
A look of thought crossed PJ's face, and he shrugged a shoulder. I liked that he took the whole 'Glen and I' thing without even missing a beat, or acting like he didn't know. It was good that he didn't want me to explain too much. “I don't know, Marc. I don't think it's that cut and dry. Did you talk to him? I mean...” he paused, seemingly searching for the right words. Sometimes, with how well PJ did with his English, it was hard to remember that he wasn't from the States or Canada natively. “Glen's had a lot...”
“I know,” I cut him off, wondering if he'd get mad, but then I realized that it was PJ I was dealing with here, and that he didn't get mad. Ever. “I know what he's been through, but that makes me wonder if he's ever going to be willing to just...” I paused and searched my head for what I was trying to say, “willing to just be with me, you know? Willing to just let me love him and like...show him that I'm not like the others...” I told PJ, trying not to get too frustrated. But it was hard. “I'm willing to elevate myself higher professionally, not just for the team, but for him. Because if both of us look good? We both get to stick around and...”
PJ nodded, and I was thankful for that because I would have kept talking in circles. “I understand that, Marc, I do. But...if you haven't tried to talk to him about it, since it happened? How are you different from all the others?” he asked calmly, and looked to the front of the plane.
God. He was right. Had Joe so much as shown an inkling of concern as to how Glen felt? Or that he needed to feel like he was actually loved? No. Hearing it wasn't enough, and I'd be damned if I was going to be another Joe Thornton. I followed his eyes to see that Glen was awake now, and he and Timmy were talking, too. I bit my lip and nodded my head. “You're right...” I said softly. “Should I...talk to him now?” I asked. PJ had already done so much, but asking him for help had gotten me this far. And when he nodded, I bit my lip again and stood up. God, what if this blew up in my face? I slid past PJ and headed toward the front of the plane, where Timmy and Glen were sitting. “Hey, Timmy? Uh...” I paused. I had to laugh, because it sounded so ridiculously childish. I cleared my throat. “Can you...go sit with Peej for a little bit?”
And I lose every game I play.
But forgive me love, I can't turn and walk away
this way.
lyrics by John Mayer
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