verrrry good for a first fic atempt. You def. need a beta to fix up somne points. I found the begining awakard. You should try to mention what POV it's in becuase for the first little while I thought it was Sid's POV.. I found after about the 5th paragraph you found your voice and WOW! You have a great discriptive sense! I LOVE the line
He began to make the space between our lips less and less or was I? I couldn't even tell. We grew closer but it was painstakingly slow. Closer. Closer. But not quite close enough. We were both hesitating.
Like they are both wanting but each unsure of the other! *le sigh*
and then being interuppted by his Phsudo (SP?) family! Hee! classif life of barley 20!
I really loved!
Ohh and Colby is only 6'2", 6'11" is like Chara sized!!!
*hugs* veru good. next time use a beta! but i'm really hoping for more of theses guys.
Keep an eye out for my next fic (comming soon) they'll be some Colby/Sid stuff happening!
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Date: 2007-08-11 02:25 pm (UTC)He began to make the space between our lips less and less or was I? I couldn't even tell. We grew closer but it was painstakingly slow. Closer. Closer. But not quite close enough. We were both hesitating.
Like they are both wanting but each unsure of the other! *le sigh*
and then being interuppted by his Phsudo (SP?) family! Hee! classif life of barley 20!
I really loved!
Ohh and Colby is only 6'2", 6'11" is like Chara sized!!!
*hugs* veru good. next time use a beta! but i'm really hoping for more of theses guys.
Keep an eye out for my next fic (comming soon) they'll be some Colby/Sid stuff happening!