Parte Ocho

[honeybee718.livejournal.com]

Title: You Are My Signal Fire (Part 8)
Characters: Andrew Raycroft / Ian White. this part of the story is mostly Matt Stajan and Kyle Wellwood though.

Word Count: 1910
Rating: PG-13, swearing
Disclaimer: I don’t own these players, nor do I know their sexual preferences. The whole thing is a work of my imagination. The title is part of the lyrics from snow patrol’s song ‘Signal Fire’.
Summary: Matt and Kyle fight it out.

|| Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7 ||

 

The rest of the day was uncomfortable for everyone involved in the fight last night. Matt had yet to come out of his room, and Jeremy and Alex were a little too curious for their own good. So I lied.

“Yeah…he got a call from his parents, and uh…his aunt is in the hospital, yeah. I think it’s pretty serious, but we didn’t really have time to talk about it.” Even as the words came out of my mouth I knew it was a shaky story, but again, I was a bad liar.

Carlo and Kyle looked at them both nervously, but they didn’t need to. Alex looked solemn and Jeremy shook his head, “That’s terrible. Hope he’s feeling better. We should let him alone.”

I nodded my agreement and then they went outside to go eat lunch on the deck. The second the door clicked shut I turned my attention back to the two guilty parties.

“So how serious are you about Matt?” I wanted to know how I should be handling this whole thing before I went in to talk with Matt.

“Like I said this morning, I love him. The twisted part is it took this whole mess for me to realize that. I thought I wanted to try something else.” His eyes were welling up again, “I thought I wanted you, Coley. But now I realize…” The tears he had been holding back started running down his face.

Ian shook his head, “You’re an idiot Kyle.” I gave him a look, trying to let him know he was being a little too blunt for this delicate situation, but that was Ian.

“Why would you even think about messing with what you guys have…no sorry…had.”

Kyle started crying harder, Carlo frowned, “Shut the fuck up Ian! You’re not making things better.”

I nudged Ian’s shoulder, “Yeah, c’mon Ian cut it out.”

He shook his head, “It’s not my job to make this better. It’s Kyle’s. If you fuck something up as royally as you have, it’s *you* who has to make the effort to make amends. Don’t be sending in someone else to do your dirty work.”

“He won’t even talk to me…I’d never get in the room.”

“You don’t have to, even if you just talk through the door. You can force him to listen. I mean don’t you even want to try?”

“Of course I do!” Kyle shot back, angry at the insinuation that he didn’t care about Matt.

“Well then…”

Kyle thought for a moment and then got up from the table and went upstairs, Carlo made to go after him but I grabbed his shoulder and held him back.

“I think they need a little alone time, don’t you?”

He looked up the stairs as Kyle walked mournfully up them, as if he was going to someone’s funeral (probably his own, once Matt was through with him), but then Carlo turned around and went out to join Alex and Jeremy.

“C’mon!” Ian grabbed my hand and we ran through the house and out the front door. I was so confused.

“Where are we going?”

“Just follow me.”

He walked around the front of the cottage and motioned for me to follow. And then to my surprise he started climbing a tree. He was quick too, I looked up at him as he sat on a bough looking into one of the windows of the cottage. He put a finger to his lips, telling me to be quiet.

I climbed up beside him, looking into what appeared to be Matty’s room, the window was open. I shook my head at Ian, “Shameless.”

“What?” he shrugged, grinning evilly, “Oh come on. Don’t tell me you didn’t want to hear how this goes down.”

I had to admit I was curious. Matt was lying on his bed, watching the television, I heard the theme for sportscentre. There was a knock on the door, I guess it had taken Kyle a while to summon the courage to speak to Matt.

“Go Away!” Matt yelled at the door, obviously still aggravated.

“Please talk to me.” Kyle’s muffled voice came through the door.

“Fuck off Kyle!”

“I’m not going away that easily.”

“No? You certainly seemed to give up on us pretty easily,” his tone was flat and dangerous.

“I’m so sorry.” Kyle was crying again, “Please…can I come in? I want to talk face to face.”

As Matt listened to Kyle’s sobs, his own eyes started moistening, “I don’t think I can look at you right now.”

“I understand.” There was a pause, “Can I at least come in? You don’t have to look at me, I just don’t want to talk to a door.”

“I don’t give a fuck what you want.”

I turned to Ian and whispered, “This isn’t going well.” He nodded looking worried, his well thought plan wasn’t going as well as he had expected. He was about to say something when Kyle answered.

“I want you Matty.”

Matt laughed a harsh laugh, tears rolling down his face again, “You sure have a backwards way of showing it. Or did Carlo not live up to your expectations and you decided I was okay after all.”

“It’s not like that and you know it. You’re making excuses. You don’t want to make up with me.”

Matt stared in disbelief, “Yeah…I wonder why? You only slept with one of our team mates. I can never trust you again, but I’m the one making excuses.”

“I love you Matt, and I’m an idiot for hurting you like I did. But please don’t shut me out.”

“You’re still on the other side of that door aren’t you?” Matt replied coldly.

The desperation in Kyle’s voice was increasing, “PLEASE! Just let me in. We need to talk about this. I…” he sobbed uncontrollably, “I…d-don’t know w-what to do here. I’m t-trying, really I am.”

It almost pained me to sit here listening to this private conversation, these emotions were real, it wasn’t a soap opera. And yet I couldn’t leave. Ian looked on, totally drawn into the scene before him.

Matt stood up from the bed, he moved over towards the door and then stopped going back to the bed, and then he turned to face the door and then changed his mind facing the window again. He was obviously fighting an internal battle on whether or not he should let Kyle in. “FUCK! I fucking hate you!” he yelled, kicking the bed with considerable force.

Kyle was silent in the hallway, except for a few quiet whimpers. Matt walked over and unlocked the door to everyone’s surprise and then went and sat back on the bed facing the window.

Kyle opened the door and walked in slowly, approaching Matt with caution as if afraid he was going to get punched in the face. He sat down on the bed behind Matt, he reached out to touch him, but decided against it and brought his hand back to his lap.

“I’m soooo sorry. Please forgive me. I can’t survive without you Matt...” and then he whispered lines as if from a poem, which I later learned was a song that meant something to both of them, “In the confusion and the aftermath, you are my signal fire, the only resolution and the only joy, is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes.”

Matt shuddered as he tried to hold back more tears, “I don’t know where it is you are seeing that forgiveness, cause it sure as hell isn’t in me.”

“It’s in there somewhere.” Kyle’s shaking hand reached out and rested on top of Matt’s hand on the bed, but Matt yanked his hand away. Kyle sulked, “I guess it’s just a question of time.”

There was another knock on the door, I stared in horror, “Oh no…he’s not…”

Kyle stared at Matt and then at the door fearfully; Matt got up from the bed and went to open the door. And just as I had dreaded, he opened it to reveal Carlo Colaiacovo.

“Look Matt, I’m really…” WHAM, Matt punched him in the face, we could hear the sound of Matt’s fist colliding with Carlo’s cheekbone.

Carlo groaned on the floor, hand covering the side of his face. Matt stood over top of him, “NOW we’re cool.” He stepped back into his room and then closed the door in Carlo’s face, leaving Carlo in the hallway.

When he sat back on the bed it wasn’t as far away as before, Kyle looked over at Matt, expression ever disconcerted. Matt took in a deep breath and then looked Kyle in the eyes, but Kyle looked away, ashamed. “Look at me.” He slowly brought his eyes up until they were level with Matt’s, “You’ll never have any idea how much this hurts me. And the funny thing is…is that while I was sitting in here thinking about all this shit, I realized that I never wanted you to feel this way. Never wanted you to feel this kind of pain.” The tears falling from Kyle’s eyes began to fall more rapidly as he maintained eye contact with his beau.

“I think…I love you too. And maybe it’s my fault for never saying I wanted to be exclusive. Or maybe it’s because I’ve been a little distant lately, but it’s just this whole lost playoff spot thing, or maybe…”

Kyle raised his finger to matt’s lips shushing him, shaking his head he managed a few quiet words, “Sh…don’t blame yourself. It’s not you. It’s never been your fault and I don’t want you to think that for a second.”

“But…”

“No! No buts! I’m a horrible, horrible person and let’s leave it at that.” He managed a small smile, the first to be seen since the night before.

Matt smiled back, “Yes, yes you are.”

Kyle sighed a sigh of relief, “I’m just glad you opened that door so we could talk. I guess I’ll go for now.” He went to get up from the bed but Matt grabbed his hand.

“No wait, don’t leave me.”

Kyle sat back down on the bed, “I’ll never leave you again.” He squeezed Matt’s hand tightly.

I couldn’t help but smile from our perch in the tree. Ian leaned over to me, “I knew they’d work things out, they’re almost too adorable not to.”

As I looked back Kyle leaned forward and kissed Matt affectionately, it was sweet and though it was light, it was full of emotion. Matt was smiling when they pulled apart and brought a hand up to Kyle’s face to wipe away the remnants of his tears.

“Let’s just lie here and forget about the world for awhile.” Matt lay down on the bed and Kyle laid down beside him, throwing an arm over Matt’s chest holding on like he’d never let go. Matt closed his eyes, “Say it again?”

Kyle smiled nuzzling his head into Matt’s shoulder, “I’ll never, ever, leave you again Matty Stajan. And I love you more than anything. Even hockey.”

Matt grinned, “Nice addition.”

I nudged Ian in the ribs, “C’mon let’s go. We should probably go check and see if Carlo needs stitches.”

He laughed quietly as we climbed down, “Don’t you want to witness the make-up sex?”

“You know I almost want to fight with you right now just to have some. I mean people say it’s the best kind.”