First off, thanks for reading, commenting, and the concrit! Two things from me: 1) I mentioned in my header that it's from Cheech's POV, but I can see how it would be confusing without knowing that. I've been known to miss catching who the narrator is before too, so I surely can't hold that against you. In any case, it's nice to know that the narrator isn't clear off the bat. I'll keep that in mind. 2) I agree whole-heartedly with it being choppy. Certainly not my best write. It was written in (very) short bursts so that probably contributed to that. I'll take a gander at the next two parts and see if any changes can be made to make it flow better (or at all ^.^). Thanks again for your comments. I'm always glad to hear people out. :)
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Date: 2008-04-03 12:09 am (UTC)Two things from me:
1) I mentioned in my header that it's from Cheech's POV, but I can see how it would be confusing without knowing that. I've been known to miss catching who the narrator is before too, so I surely can't hold that against you. In any case, it's nice to know that the narrator isn't clear off the bat. I'll keep that in mind.
2) I agree whole-heartedly with it being choppy. Certainly not my best write. It was written in (very) short bursts so that probably contributed to that. I'll take a gander at the next two parts and see if any changes can be made to make it flow better (or at all ^.^).
Thanks again for your comments. I'm always glad to hear people out. :)