...talking as guys chattered excitedly, happy to be back even for just a preseason game after a long season of lockout-induced silence. and let some of the others run by, shouting as they raced to their rooms.

At first blush, you think: Guys wouldn't do this, but after considering it for a minute, I really think some would -- particularly the guys who are at an NHL camp for the first time. I really like this bit. I like how those two graphs reflect the excitement that must come from being an NHL player. Getting paid to play a game? Hell, I'd run screaming too.

glancing into his bag while he unpacked.

That's a nice touch.

and now as I watched him sleep I wanted to know him better

That's a pretty little line there.

The dialogue in the bar was very good. It felt authentic. Looking forward to the continuation!