This isn't bad at all! I definitely think you have some promise and you're well on your way :)
Just a few things though, and you can take them any way you want. Feel free to disregard them whatsoever, but I'll put them out there anyway. There were just a few times I noticed you using the semi colon and to me, it didn't feel like they belonged there. When a semi-colon is used, the sentence should stand alone, you know what I'm saying?
More specifically this line: The season that could’ve meant everything to everyone – the team, the fans, the city; slipped through their fingers again, just like water almost. If you take the sentence and seperate it form the rest, it doesn't make too much sense. I just wanted to put that out there. I hope you don't think I'm being too harsh, I don't want to give you that impression at all :)
And then just the ending I found a little confusing. Maybe it's just me and I'm far too tired, so I'll just give it another read.
Otherwise, I like the mood you created in this fic, I really liked the way you set it up with him going back and looking around, remembering everything. I think you did a very good job with that.
I hope you don't think this was too harsh! I'd like to read more from you in the future, most defnitley.
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Just a few things though, and you can take them any way you want. Feel free to disregard them whatsoever, but I'll put them out there anyway. There were just a few times I noticed you using the semi colon and to me, it didn't feel like they belonged there. When a semi-colon is used, the sentence should stand alone, you know what I'm saying?
More specifically this line: The season that could’ve meant everything to everyone – the team, the fans, the city; slipped through their fingers again, just like water almost. If you take the sentence and seperate it form the rest, it doesn't make too much sense. I just wanted to put that out there. I hope you don't think I'm being too harsh, I don't want to give you that impression at all :)
And then just the ending I found a little confusing. Maybe it's just me and I'm far too tired, so I'll just give it another read.
Otherwise, I like the mood you created in this fic, I really liked the way you set it up with him going back and looking around, remembering everything. I think you did a very good job with that.
I hope you don't think this was too harsh! I'd like to read more from you in the future, most defnitley.
And oh, welcome to the comm :)