Best Friends Forever

[boltschick2612.livejournal.com]

Title:  Best Friends Forever
Rating: R-NC-17
Pairing: Teddy Purcell/ Nate Thompson
Description: Short, Sweet and to the point. All is not well in Nate and Teddy World. May want to read "My Promise to You" before reading this one. And lastly, thanks to a good friend for the ideas in this story!

Best Friends Forever

Comments

[belial.livejournal.com]

Oops... sorry, I mean formatting as in commas, punctuation...

look here:

"Have a heart attack!!(use only one exclamation point)" Nate laughed. Teddy got up off the bed and stood there staring at Nate for a second before speaking.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, my love. I'm going to jump in the shower(needs a comma between shower and the quotation marks)" Teddy said while walking towards the bathroom, smiling.

"What about you?" Nate asked, referring to the fact that while he was very satisfied, Teddy had not gotten the same thing out of the encounter.

"I'd rather wait until we get home tonight. I want the thrill of anticipating it all night long.(this should be a comma after "long", not a period)" Teddy said standing in the bathroom doorway, smiling.

It's tiny things that take the reader's eye away from the plot, the adorable-ness of your two characters. That was my suggestion - because the rest of the story is so damn cute! :)

[boltschick2612.livejournal.com]

I read through this again yesterday and realized how right you were! I was kinda in a hurry when I wrote this, so please don't judge me by that!
Anyhow, thank you so much for your suggestions. I changed/edited this story and some of my others a little....I hope you'll more of my stories!
Thanks Again!